The majority of my emails as of late are coming from men and women in India. You come to me in all ages, shapes and sizes but many younger adults, late 20's. The issues seem to be somewhat similar in nature so I'd like to share some things that perhaps might shed some light.
I've been asked over and over by every single person who writes me from India about self-esteem and taking a stand. I am aware your religion and/or customs may be different than America so I do not want to cross any boundaries or disrespect anyone. However, this is what I've learned here and how I live a happier life and share with others how to do so.
You are worth a lot. No matter what people say to you about yourself, you are the one who needs to either filter it in your mind or throw it out and let it go. I keep hearing over and over, in your letters to me, how people either criticize you or talk down to you. You explain how you cannot change them or change your job or your family and I understand that. What you can change is the way you allow them to treat you. We are all human beings, brought here from the same Universe and we all deserve to be treated with respect.
What I learned a long time ago is people treat us the way we allow them to. I would think and hope in any ethic background this applies. I'm not 100% sure because I do not live in India or other countries but you will respect yourself more and most others will also if you stand your ground.
This doesn't mean to be nasty or mean or act like they are acting towards you; it just means not allowing them to put you down. In a loving, strong way saying, "I do not deserve this or I will not accept this or a simple please, do not treat me that way; I don't treat you that way."
If you are in an environment where this is inevitable and you cannot get out, then it's time for you to choose how you take in this information and negativity. My main teaching is whatever you focus on is what you get - so focus on the positive. If you can pick out one thing that is good about the environment, focus on that. I'd much rather see you move onto a more positive space but some are unable.
Most of you who write tell me you are a strong person yet the negativity is so strong it is defeating you. I can understand how you would feel that way but in order for you to stay healthy, mentally and physically, you will have to be the one to make a change. I know that is not always the answer we want to hear but it sometimes is the correct one.
I had to change in order for my mom to change towards me and believe me I just wanted her to change but I did and it worked; my change brought about her thinking and feeling differently and thus bringing us a better relationship in the end.
If you can surround yourself with positive quotes, sayings, stories, words or anything that makes you happy, it could even be a picture – do so! Print out quotes from this site. If you can't keep them out in the open put them in your purse, wallet, handbag, nap sack or pocketbook if you use one.
If you have a pocket, put something in there to remind you of how wonderful you are and how you are a strong person. It can be anything; as little as a marble, a rock, a saying on a piece of paper, a picture, you name it; you choose it.
One of my friends carries her cat's whiskers with her because when the cat sheds its whiskers and she finds them, that makes her happy when she sees it. So what I'm saying is it can be anything; it can be a picture you print off the computer that makes you happy.
You are in control of your feelings. Do your best to remember, even when in a negative situation at work or at home, you can stay in a happier place. Create the happiness or peace within yourself. It may not always work, as we are human and we do get discouraged, let down, etc. but it can only help to try. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.
Many of you also wrote to me about an article that said to pat yourself on the back. We all deserve a pat on the back. We enjoy telling others all the good they do or thanking them for their kindness or help but we rarely do it to ourselves. It's time...isn't it? We deserve a pat on the back too. It doesn't mean we think we are any better than anyone else just that we are doing a good job here on this earth... and that's okay!
Other emails I'm receiving from you are regrets from the past; how you didn't accept to be on a team due to family or school politics, how you didn't take that job because of family, how you didn't do this or that because something or someone stopped you and now you regret it.
I think it's very unfortunate that you didn't get to do what you intended at the time BUT you need to let it go and move on. You may not be able to recreate that moment you let go of years ago but you can create a new moment. A moment of love, gratitude and joy.
Be grateful for what you do have and do your best to forget about what you do not have. Realize that situations that didn't work for you in the past actually happened for bigger and better things to happen. Enjoy the present and the future; let go of what could've, should've, would've. You can't get that back so why keep dwelling on it? You are only hurting yourself. Life has something so much better in store for you. You'll see.
All in all, we are in control of our thoughts. No matter what is going on around us, we choose what we think so let's make them better thoughts. As I said, it's not always easy and sometimes not even doable at the moment but if we practice doing it often, it becomes more and more a part of our lives and it does get easier as the years go along.
This doesn't mean we won't experience grief, loss, heartbreak and other issues but it means we can learn and grow and just keep getting better and better and handling them and choosing to be happier and more joyful within ourselves.
Have a wonderful holiday. Please write with any comments or thoughts.
Copyright © 2011 Marion Licchiello-Lenz
Marion Licchiello-Lenz is a Writer, Self Empowerment Coach and an Intuitive Coach. She blogs for the Poughkeepsie Journal about getting motivated, staying positive, and getting fit.
In addition, you can find her as a feature writer at Country Courier magazine. Her weekly articles follow her accomplishments, trials and tribulations with being, getting and staying healthy - mind, body and spirit.
For coaching sessions or intuitive readings (with or without coaching and guidance), or if you have any questions feel free to call Marion at (845) 596-2990
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