As a coach, I come across numerous clients with different areas of life needing clarification or improvement. No client is exactly alike yet everyone has similar issues or thoughts to work on or work through. They all have a common thread.
The number one reason a client comes to me is Fear. Whether they are at the top and want to go higher or need to work through a problem, the common thread is False Evidence Appearing Real.
Each client has a different type of fear. I believe we all, if not most experience or have experienced some kind of fear, at one time or another. The top five fears I encounter in my practice:
- Fear of not being good enough
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Fear of what others might think/judging
- Fear of rejection
Almost everyone I coach has at least one to all five of these fears. I too had these and more and still have to confront some of them from time to time. I'm human; we're all human and it's part of life. The key is to put a dead halt to them so we can get everything out of life we deserve. Another key is also to find clarity to work through the fear that is blocking us from receiving all we want and desire.
When working with clients whether by phone, video chat or face to face, I have them do a very short but effective exercise. I have them close their eyes and breath and then I ask a series of questions. This is to make them more aware of what they are feeling and/or what is holding them back. First we work on an area of life they need to improve upon then we get down to the underlying issues.
For example: One of the things I ask as they close their eyes and take deep breaths is to think of something they are afraid of for a quick second. I ask them to recite to them self “My greatest fear is ..." and fill in the blank. Then I have them think of why this is their greatest fear; “My greatest fear is people will judge me and I feel that way because I judge myself." That's when we get to the root of the problem and then we are able to work on it. We do this exercise with many or all their fears until they either see why the fear is holding them back or feel better about it.
It's amazing how a simple exercise can go such a long way. Once they get to the root cause or the root feeling, it's much easier to deal with. I'm not saying it's a walk in the park, per say, I'm just saying it makes it easier because they are able to see why they are feeling this way; and sometimes they had no idea.
The person has to be ready to dissolve the blocks. Some people have blocks to gaining prosperity, relationships, food issues, addictions and so many more. We are all different and learned certain behaviors and teachings, not necessarily all healthy. That doesn't mean our parents, guardians or elders didn't do the best they could with what they knew, it just means they taught us what they learned and that's okay.
Movies, magazines, TV can also instill fears in us. I say it's okay because we have the ability and skills to work through it and get over it. We are capable of great change in our lives. The past does not equal the future.
I was chatting with a local store owner today; we were discussing dysfunctional families. A customer was saying she had a perfect childhood. Can this be true? Maybe it can. Are some families way less dysfunctional than others? Yes, of course. What I'm trying to say is, if you think you are the only one who grew up in a dysfunctional home, please get that thought out of your mind. If you think you had a perfect childhood, please get that thought out of your mind.
I had two clients who thought they had a perfect childhood and had a light bulb moment when they finally discovered and admitted they didn't. Both of their lives changed dramatically. They figured out why they feared certain things in life. Hooray. They also were afraid they would be judged if anyone knew the truth so they started believing what they were saying.
The first person, a 40 year old female, realized because she was called names as a child; she felt stupid and not good enough. She always had the fear of failure and fear of success because she would tell herself over and over again what a dummy she was. After this exercise she realized it's what her dad said over and over again during her childhood; he thought it was cute that her nickname was dummy.
We came up with positive affirmations for her to recite on a daily basis. She also attended a vision board workshop and created a vision board with pictures of anything that represented a very intelligent woman in her eyes. It took some time working together but she is now aware she is the wonderful, vibrant, intelligent human being she always was on the inside. Hooray for her.
I watched her self-esteem soar to new levels before my eyes. It was just as fulfilling for me as it was for her.
The second person, a 28 year old male, thought he couldn't do anything except work in a very low paying job even though he was very intelligent. We figured out it was because his mom told him he'd never amount to anything and he was good for nothing.
After working together on that thought process and changing the negatives to positives, he took some on-line courses and after he completed them was making almost double the money in a very short period of time. Bravo to him for acknowledging he didn't have a perfect childhood. He was insistent at the start but once he let go - miracles happened.
Fear – Don't allow it to run your life. You are in control. Be sure whenever you are feeling fear to take a fear check.
- Is it a legitimate fear?
- Is is False Evidence Appearing Real?
Start taking notice and let me know what comes up for you. I always love when you share your stories. With your permission, I may even publish them someday on a site or in a book.Copyright © 2011 Marion Licchiello-Lenz
Marion Licchiello-Lenz is a Writer, Self Empowerment Coach and an Intuitive Coach. She blogs for the Poughkeepsie Journal about getting motivated, staying positive, and getting fit.
In addition, you can find her as a feature writer at Country Courier magazine. Her weekly articles follow her accomplishments, trials and tribulations with being, getting and staying healthy - mind, body and spirit.
For coaching sessions or intuitive readings (with or without coaching and guidance), or if you have any questions feel free to call Marion at (845) 596-2990
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