MY STORY
I am writing this story in the hope that someone, somewhere, might read it and see something in themselves a little clearer, it's sort of therapeutic.
I was born in London in June 1975 and died 18 years later.
I was adopted from the day I was born. This is a miracle in itself because I have the most wonderful family in the world.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old, my mum told me a lovely story about a little boy who was adopted and then told me that the little boy was me. Being adopted has never made any difference to me at all ( it's a biological thing!),except maybe that even as a young child, I began sorting out who I truly was...deep down.
I had a wonderfully happy childhood and I still say that "to see the world now, as I did then, is my wish".
When I was 11, my Nanna died. We were very close and it hurt a lot. Everyone around me was upset and I was afraid; I didn't understand and had a lot of questions. I know now that two fundamental questions that arose for me in childhood, questions of who we are and death, are interwoven. They sort of answer each other. That when you really know who and what you are, you lose any fear of death.
I did pretty well in school, had lots of friends, played lots of sports etc., until I was about 16. Then because of a combination of rebelliousness, confusion, frustration and generally doing what the crowd was doing, I started taking drugs. Like everything else I'd done, it was all or nothing.
One night, when I was 18, I awoke in hospital surrounded all those I loved and was told that I had actually died for a short while. To be honest, I don't remember that much about it, except that, looking back I knew I had been very lucky! But ...I had a calm knowing. I knew that there was something within me that could not be destroyed, would live forever, eternal...
I guess that's when I began to be interested in spirituality. I wanted to know what it was that had saved me and what was God, not in a religious way, but in a personal way.
"If you knew who walked beside you, at all times, on this path that you have chosen, you could never be afraid."
---A Course in Miracles
Since I was a child I had had a kind of homesick feeling; a nostalgic, sometimes depressing, lonely feeling. I now understand what it means to "Be in the world, but not of it." I reckon, to be at home or to feel at home, you have to bring something through you, to create, express LOVE & laugh. ...To be an instrument of God, be open, let go...
I believe we are the creators of our own lives and we do this with the thoughts, feelings and emotions that we CHOOSE each moment."As you think so shall you be."
I reckon it's crucial that we all recognize our own worth. Knowing that we are all one, we can then see ourselves in each other and love and value everyone as we do ourselves.
It took me a long time to learn to forgive... not others, but myself. Now I know that at a deeper level there is really nothing to forgive anyway.
Audrey Hepburn said once, "The most important thing is to be happy, to enjoy your life... it's all that matters."
Be grateful for what you've got, not constantly worrying about what you haven't. Give more of yourself.
For me the most wonderful thing is to let go, to let go of anything and everything and just trust; ...to feel like a child again, unconditioned, innocent. To be truly present, alive, here and now, "In this moment there is no fear..."