MY PERSPECTIVE
By Samantha G.

There are many things in life that you need to learn. However, the most important things to learn and realize are that you're traveling on a road. Your road is full of adventures, hills, cliffs, and ups and downs. Throughout life, everyone will come upon these cliffs, which will be the toughest times of your lives.

Nevertheless, inside of everyone is the strength to reach and climb to the top of the other side of the cliff. The strength does come out of luck; it comes out of love, happiness and thoughtfulness from friends and family and especially yourself.

The friends that you have are true if they've shown you love happiness, thoughtfulness, tenderness, comfort, trust and honesty. If they've shown and given you that, then you've got everything you need to survive through all the hard times. There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first. When you learn to live for others, they will live for you.

Dead ends are also something that you might end up in. Things will happen and there will be an end with out knowing why or what happened but you must move on with the future and live with what you receive and live with what you have to give.

In order to receive, you must give. Everyone will win some and everyone will lose some. Everyone will love and everyone will hurt. Just don't ever lose what you've got now and respect what time brings. If you trust yourself, you will know how to live.

"My name is Samantha." That is what I say to myself every morning, as I look myself in the eyes. I am a young teen, only 14 in fact. As a young teen, I have been through many puzzling times in my life. I must say, being a teen be the hardest thing in life.

On November 16, 1998, I turned 13 years old. I was an official teenager. I waited 12 years to become a teenager and finally the time came. I imagined being a teen was the best thing ever. However, after being a teen for about 3 months, I realized that I don't know anything about being a teenager and it doesn't make you any older than you think you are.

On becoming a teen, I was entering Junior High and that was a big step for me. I made a whole bunch of new friends and they all were different. I was always afraid I wouldn't fit in or they wouldn't like me. So I thought if I experimented and did stuff to be cool they would like me and I would be one that fitted in.

So, as I began to inquire about new things, I regretted everything. I made a lot of big and little mistakes. One, one big mistake that was made completely changed the way people looked at me and changed the way people knew me. It also changed the way I thought about life. Not only did I hurt myself, but also I hurt my friends and family. I had lost my parents trust and to lose my parents trust was the worst feeling in the entire world. As I realized what I had done was stupid, I began to feel like the lowest person in the whole world.

Now I don't tell many people this because it's very tragic and I get this feeling inside that's unexplainable. So as being the lowest person in the world, I started to think second thoughts about life. At night I was always depressed and I had a lot going through my mind. So I decided to write everything down.

Few nights, I would stay up writing why everyone's life would be much better with out me. I would write about how I wish I could just end my life because I was a horrible person. Momentarily, that mistake wasn't the only thing that caused me to think like this. I was a person with an attitude towards my family.

I would just argue and argue with my parents every night. About 80% of the time at the end of an argument, I wouldn't even know what I was arguing about. After that I would go up to my room and cry my eyes dry. I always felt so horrible after talking back to my parents. I constantly told myself that if I were to die now my parents wouldn't have to go through this stress and things would be better not only in their lives but my friends.

I was a great friend however but I didn't recognize it. After numerous months of thoughts of death and feelings of sadness and depression I just got sick of everything and I couldn't stand all the pain I was getting. I was the one causing the pain; I was giving myself the pain. Every day and night I would sit up in my room thinking and writing my thoughts down on paper. I wanted to go through with my thoughts about death but there would always be something that was stopping me. I had begun to realize that I have a lot of things to look forward to in life. Still, I would fight and argue with my parents, which wouldn't make things better.

Everything so far that I've mentioned has happened in my first year of Junior High, as a 7th grader. Asthe year began to end, things were getting slightly better. Being known for the mistake that was made and not for who I really was made me not know who I really was inside. Only I knew I wasn't the person everyone thought I was. I was a young, caring, honest, and loving person. I was still a kid who wanted to live happy and have many friends. I was being judged for my action, not actions, but just one.

After that, I hadn't made any other mistakes but still, the people refused to know me for the inside. Summer came and I finally got some freedom. I finally started gaining my parents trust back. Not once after that dreadful mistake that I had made, have I ever done anything so stupid again. I've learned from my mistakes.

Throughout the summer I hung out with the right set of friends and made the right choices. I soon was ready to go back to school and start a new year as an 8th grader. The long summer days went by slow but school finally came.

The year started out awesome. My choice of friends and the decisions I was making were great. Everything was going just the way I wanted. I am still an 8th grader however and we're 3 months away from another school year being over. My choices, as I said, have been great and throughout the year I've had different best friends but I haven't lost any friends.

One of my friends that I met this year has been such a merciful helping in my life. This person was not only a good friend but was a boyfriend. His name is PJ and he is a 9th grader. During the 4 months we were together as a couple, we became one and he taught me so much about life and how important it is to live. Every day I woke up because I had him and all my other great friends to look forward to. At the moment, we are back to being just friends.

I still haven't lost anything or anyone. For the past 5 to 6 months I have been able to tell others, and myself "I love my life." It's true, I love my life. I have phenomenal friends who bring so much happiness to my life and who have helped me through my hard times. PJ has been here for me through everything. He has shown me the important things in life and he has taught me to be happy and love myself. He taught me and made me realize more than I could have ever realized if I hadn't ever met him.

Another two close friends that I would like to recognize are Brandon and Lauren. Brandon has been a great friend who I have been able to talk to about my problems as well as Lauren. Lauren has been a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, someone to ask for advice and she's always been here for me like my sister. PJ, Brandon and Lauren have made such big impacts in my life and I wouldn't be where I am now unless it was for them. I wouldn't know who I really am unless it was for them.

This year, as an 8th grader, people respected me and they left the past behind them just like I did. Though there were times when people would bring up my mistake to be negative I kept my head up and stayed strong. My strength that my friends gave me sure came in hand. I would have to say that 99% of my friends and people who just knew me, knew me for me, for what's on the inside, not the outside nor my past. I couldn't have let them see who I really am unless I had the support from my friends and family. I may not know who I am fully but I know enough to live life happily and love others.

Yet as I say, "In order to live life happily you MUST be able to be happy with who you are and in order to love others, you MUST love yourself first." I follow exactly that. I am happy with who I am and I love myself, therefore I am living life happily and I am loving others. I love my family. I love PJ and all my friends with every single inch of my heart. I am happy because I am a thoughtful, enthusiastic, helpful, caring, respectful, trusting and an honest person. I am happy with the way I look on the outside too. It shouldn't matter about what's on the outside because the inside is where the love and happiness comes. I give out lots of love, happiness and care to everyone.

Everyday I do my best, not try, but I do my best to make someone's day better than the last. I am someone who wants to make a difference in people's lives. I wasn't put here on earth to think negative about living and to think negative about people. I was put here on earth to help people, to listen to people, to make impacts in people's lives just like they do for me.

When someone tells me that I've put a smile on their face, made them shed a tear of happiness or made an impact in their life, it makes me keep going and it makes me feel better about myself. It gives me something to look forward to each day to live. I have a whole bunch of living to do and I am only 14 years old. I am young and the thoughts of how I use to think second thoughts on life gives me a feeling inside that makes me hurt.

To think that I might not be here is horrible. I am here still because of the people who helped me keep going and who helped me realize I'm young and I've got so much living to do. The past is my past and the future is my future. I've put the past behind me and put the future in front of me.

As I look around at the people and how many people are so disrespectful it torments me. People make fun of others because of the way they look or act and I must admit I was one of them. I've changed and my self-esteem and self-confidence is so high that I have no need to make anyone feel lower than me. I never had a reason to judge people by the outside and it was wrong. I am a completely different person that I was last year. I know for a fact that the heart inside of me has gotten so much bigger this past year.

I believe that the reason people harass other people is because they have low self-esteem and making fun of people makes them feel above them. That's pathetic and it's not the right way to make yourself feel good. Think about how you would feel if you were the person being made fun of because of the way you look or because of the way you act. I guarantee that when the person who is getting harassed goes home, they think about everything and they wonder if everything that was said was true. It makes them feel so low. I still get made fun of for some stuff but since my self-esteem is so high I don't have to worry about what other people think.

I am who I am and if people don't like me for me, they're not worth caring or worrying about. I respect and love every single person who respects me and loves me back. I understand how important friends are and how important other people's lives are. I want people to know I am someone who wants the pleasure of listening to their problems and the pleasure to help them. I want to help people and give them advice. I have a lot of advice to give to other people and I believe I've been through enough to help people through their toughest times.

I must confess that there have been times and there will be times when I tend to talk negative about myself and/or others. Just because that happens once in a while doesn't mean I'm two faced or that it's my "other side". It's part of who I am. I know everyone can be negative in some way. If people begin to think different about me because of who I am, then I just have to do my best to show them I am a good person and let them love me for me.

Things I do from time to time hurt people or disappoint people which causes me to dislike myself. Still, I do/say stuff more than once when I shouldn't and I catch myself on it so I can rectify everything. I know it's one too many times but with me, things just have to happen or be said more than once for me to get it through my hard head so I can understand everything. It doesn't always have to be done or said more than once but I'm a bewildered person throughout my days and too much confusion stresses me out.

I don't like hurting nor disappointing my friends or making people think different about me. I don't do it on purpose. I wish everyone's feelings would stay true and they wouldn't change because of anything. I am who I am and it doesn't mean I'm always going to be like what people think my "negative side" is. It doesn't always mean I'm going to show that "other side".

Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying too hard to make people happy. When I do my best, not everyone notices it; not everyone cares for what I do. That's what hurts me. Many don't realize how I do my best to make so many people happy and still keep myself happy. Sometimes, I have to make myself unhappy to make others happy. I put other people in front of me before I worry about myself. Everything I do and say is something that I learn from. Every day I do something different to help someone, to listen to someone. I want to make a difference in people's lives.

As I see people with special needs, I thank God for what he has given me and I want to help those people. I want to talk with them and make them laugh. I want to spend time with them and play with them. I believe they need just as much love tenderness and happiness as we need. I want to make new friends and I want them to love me just like I love them. I wouldn't use the word different for the people with special needs I consider them the same as one of everyone else.

No one should be judged because of their ethnic background. They shouldn't be judged by their looks either because the only thing that could make a person ugly is their personality; their attitude towards others. Everyone is beautiful inside and out, just not everyone knows it. It's taken me 14 long years to realize who I am and now I have an idea about how I want to live my life.

As I once heard, the most important thing about having goals is having one. I have many goals that I want to attain. Some will take me days, weeks, months and even years to accomplish. I believe in myself and I know I can. Anything can happen if you set your mind to it. The road that I am commuting on has been full of adventures just like I said in the beginning. I've met a lot of down hills and once met the steepest cliff I could have ever meet. I was stuck at the bottom for a long time until my friends and family gave me the strength to climb up top and continue on my road.

I brought up before that I am a completely different person than I was when I was a 7th grader and I couldn't be the person I am unless it was for my friends. They turned me around and showed me the right road to take. Since then, I've been going up and up and everyday is brighter than the last. Yes, there are times when I feel sad, depressed, upset or mad but it hasn't been anything big. I haven't lost anything. I still have PJ and all the rest of my friends. I still have the most important things in life, which I will do my best never to lose.

I will also do my best never to lose my parents trust again. It's not worth trying so you might as well do it. On this day, I am happy to say that I love my life. It has taken me 14 years to look in the mirror, look me in the eyes and say, "I love myself. I am happy with who I am on the inside and out.

Still, I have so many questions, few answers and little time. I am happy every day with what time brings me. I do my best not to worry about the future too much. I can't predict the future and only time can tell. Anything can happen and the anything that happens might change someone's life greatly or not even.

Worrying about the future causes me to have stress and at this age, I assume stress is what most teens go through. I want to give myself as little stress as possible. Now from every single heart-filled word mentioned, you may think I'm giving my friends all the credit for the way I am now. However, my family has done plenty for me.

It's been difficult for me to talk to my family about my problems so I would go to my friends. I know if my parents didn't raise me and teach me the things they've taught me, I wouldn't have had the manners to be respectful to make friends. I have a lot of appreciation for what they've done for me. I know saying thank you isn't enough but I'm showing my thanks in giving my love and respect towards them. Yes, my friends are severely important to me but my family means more.

I am lucky to have a family like the one I have. I have a father and a mother who have been married for 18 years and two older brothers; Nikko who is 16 years old and Tino who is 23 years old. I love my family and I know they love me. Though we've been through some bad times, my heart is always out there loving them no matter what. My mother and father put a roof over my head for 14 long years, they've given me the food and water in my stomach, the clothes on my back and a place to sleep. If it wasn't for my loving parents I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have been born.

I thank you for the time you've put in to read my story. If this brought a tear to your eye, a warm feeling inside, a smile to your face or nothing at all, I still want to thank you for giving me the pleasure to share my story with you., I hope it makes a difference in yours and others lives. Please, live life fully and happily. Though I regret my mistakes, everyone soon realizes the things they truly regret are the things they didn't do in life. "If life is worth living, it's worth recording."