Growing up, I was a firm believer in the power of one's self to command his own life. I am opposed to people justifying their wrongful exploits with the fact that they had a broken family or their parents were always too busy to give them time. For me, people who declare such are the ones who have this need to feel important thereby attracting attention to themselves in any way that they possibly can.
People who claim that they are having a mid-life crisis or any kind of personal catastrophe, for that matter, are only endeavoring to give an excuse for their shortcomings and inadequacy. Anyone who wants to evade responsibilities can say, "Hey! I'm having a mid-life crisis here! Gimme me a break!" and expects to be pardoned.
As a 24-year-old woman, I can say that I understand life better than I used to. I can be a little more lenient with the blunder of others and I now have an added ability to perceive things through someone else's eyes. I realize that human beings really go through some phases in their lifetime that they don't have power over.
For the past two years, I have undergone constant dissatisfaction with myself. I tried to deny it but it keeps resurfacing. I felt derisory compared to some of my friends and I was disappointed with my last job because I knew in my heart I could do so much better. I occasionally questioned my abilities and I am insecure about my present accomplishments and I am unsure about my future. Being a very sovereign character that I am, it is rather startling. I always thought I was born ready.
Geared up to face anything that life has to offer, but one day I woke up with the trepidation that I might lose the people I love the most. The very thought of it sent chills down my spine. I suddenly became bored with my social circle and the nostalgia for my schooling life was always a part of my system on a regular basis.
I frequently had the feeling that I would die young and never have the chance to explore the world more. Then one day it dawned on me what the root of my crisis was.
Growing up without a father, and with the need to always prove my worth, made me set extremely high standards for myself.
Growing up, I always tried to be better than others and I simultaneously ignored the void I had in my heart. I overlooked the fact that the reason I was having such a struggle is because my family life was a mess.
I guess it served me well because I didn't let my life go to waste. Had I taken my circumstances differently, I would surely be in a different place than I am now.
In a way I am thankful. I may be going through what they call a "Quarter Life Crisis" now, but I know I will get through this smoothly like I did with my other tribulations.
A friend once said, "In life there are only three rules. The first rule says that we should follow the second rule. The second rule says don't take yourself too seriously, and the third rule says there is no other rule aside from the second rule."
Written in 2007 by Katherine Whellams --- Phillipines