Both Leisa and I have been hurt by men who deceived and lied to us. Leisa so wants me to walk away from the situation and from the man. She would like for me to turn my back and start afresh. She felt that if these men have lied to us, then they are not worthy of our love. I am now able to move on now and during this process, I found my answer for her about what l think love is.
Leisa has kindly allowed me to share this with you. So here is my letter to my friend Leisa... Leisa,
I think I have finally found my answer to your question, "What is love?"
Real love truly is unconditional.
I have been looking back to the times I spent with my Grandmother. As you know, I grew up with her. I was not very nice to her at times - as most teenagers are not. As I was growing up, I really did do some nasty things to hurt her.
You know Leis, she was always there to forgive me, once I realised my mistakes.
She did this openly and honestly and with her arms wide open. Her love never judged me. Her love never condemned me. Her love never knew spiteful words. She would tell me that my actions had hurt her, but never did she lash out in retaliation by saying mean things or even to punish me - ever.
She held me up, she let me become myself and then she let me go.
To me, if you can't love without judging, then you do not love. If you can't love without expectation, then you do not love. If you can't love just because you can - then why would you do it? Does someone have to show you love in return, for you to feel it for them? My grandmother's never did. She just loved all of me. No matter what my actions displayed.
I believe that to love, you have to be patient. To love, you have to be kind. To love, you have to forgive.
I'm not saying that you should put your life on hold, but all the same, I don't believe that you should turn your back just because that person hasn't yet found the strength to know who they are yet. And let's face it - this is the only reason people lie. They are lying to themselves really - not to us.
You can still love them Leis.
Sometimes people just make mistakes. This is their walk - not ours. Their life lessons - not ours. Who are we to judge? And if you truly did love in the first place, then you will be there to forgive. To me, this is real love.
Leisa, I can let him go. I can walk away and start afresh now. But I do love Ian, so please don't ask me to stop.
Written in 2006 by Victoria Muller