I have seen couples who don't fight with each other, don't quarrel over any issues , nor do they contradict each other. But despite all this, something is missing between them - love.
Marriages are always successful when both partners make some compromises. In an Indian context, it is a fact that most of the marriages were arranged - where both the spouses are ignorant
about each other and they have to compromise in some way or other to make a relationship viable. But these compromises shouldn't be confused with love.
We were habituated in the philosophy that love develops in due course of time. Company becomes a habit. Habit leads to a kind of tolerance and feeling good in its company. It may
so happen that one of the pair may compromise till the end of his/her life while still together. But staying together because it is habit is also not love.
Togetherness is not love, compromise is not love, and habituation is also not love. Love is something extra; a celestial feeling, a divine notion, an ambrosial experience and totally unconditional.
It is above trust, above the earthly attraction and above all logic. The barriers to love are insecurity, ego and a taken for granted attitude. They block the path which leads to
expressing your feelings.
In some relationships, a husband fears that his pretty young and beautiful wife may elope with some other fellow and this insecurity provokes him to behave in a abnormal way and he will
guard, spy, and constraint all her financial activities with a preconceived notion. Slowly his love will be occupied by a sense of suspicion.
In others, both partners try their best to adapt themselves to the other or try to appease each other. And after a certain point of time, both blame each other for not understanding their sacrifice
because in some way love is suppressed by sacrifice and sacrifice can't go on for an unlimited time.
In some cases the persons fear that their love may be misinterpreted as a weakness and the other may overpower him/her so they try their best to hide their emotions. By the time
he/she realizes, it is almost over.
There is no meaning to mourn before a picture when you ignored your spouse when he/she was alive. Some even realize their value long after losing the beloved ones.
These barriers act as a silent killer of love just like carbon monoxide replaces oxygen from hemoglobin; even without a warning, the victim succumbs to death.
So shed your ego, discuss your problems, be frank to each other. Not quarreling with each other doesn't mean you don't have any issues, rather it is a sort of compromise.
When compromise intrudes into your love world, the relationship becomes conditional. This upsets the love equilibrium.
So stretch your hands a little wider because you are one step behind that stage.
Put 100% into that relationship and grab the opportunity. Begin to enjoy each other's company
without any expectation and it will definitely be appreciated and reciprocated by your partner. Love seems to blossom when it is reciprocated.
--- Copyright © 2013 Swarna Prabha Kar (Mrs.)
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Enjoy some other writing by Swarna:
The Power Of Tears
Victory Beyond Fear
Mama, I'm Not As Good As You
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