What am I scared of,
--- Written in 2002 by J.W., Age 16, Ohio
That makes me act the way I do?
Could it be the pain from love,
That puts a hole right through me?
Could it be the fact of dying,
When my life really wasn't over?
Could it be the pain multiplying,
Cause I couldn't stay sober?
Could it be I wanted to go to heaven,
But I've committed too many sins?
Could it be I stopped going to Church at eleven,
And started hanging out with friends?
Could it be I didn't honor my mother,
I disrespected her my whole life.
Or I fell in the footsteps of my brother,
He went to prison once or twice.
Could it be that I didn't help someone,
When they were desperately in need?
Or maybe I was dumb,
And really couldn't see?
Could it be that I was not nice,
And didn't care about anyone else?
And my life was in captivity,
And I didn't care about myself.
I'll tell you what really makes me scared...
I'm scared when I am alone,
I'm scared when no one is there,
To talk about what is wrong.
I'm scared of being angry,
I'm a very impulsive child.
I'm scared that I might hurt somebody,
And completely go wild.
I'm scared that I may fail and lose all faith,
I'm scared that I will never prevail,
Or escape from all of this hate.
I'm scared that I may influence,
My son in a negative way.
I don't want his life to be ruined,
I want him to follow what I say.
I don't want to be stereotyped,
And be viewed as a bad kid.
I don't want to fight,
The bad things that I did.
I just want a life,
That I can control.
I don't want to hide,
'Cause it's really getting old.
I want to walk down the street,
And not get stopped by a cop.
I want to eat and sleep,
And not be somebody's prop.
I want to go to sleep at night,
And know that I made a difference.
I want to show people what's right,
And refrain from all ignorance.
I want to be treated as an equal,
And follow God's word.
I'll be a positive sequel,
I want my thoughts to be heard.
That's all I want!