One may suffer more than another, one may hurt more than another, one may have more pain than another. No matter how much pain, how much suffering, how much hurt, there will always be someone else out there that has suffered more, been in greater pain or is or has been hurting more than you.
We are not the only ones. Once we know that, things start to feel better, things start to change. That's why I share my grief to help others and to help myself.
I used to cry everyday and think my life was the worst one of the lot. It was all about me. I never once thought that, hey, there are people out there facing problems that were bigger and way worse than my own.
My problems had passed but the pain and suffering remained; it still remains today. Some people live with or experience the pain hurt and suffering everyday. It's a matter of how we deal with this pain, hurt, & suffering now or when it has passed.
It's how we think about it; it's a matter of the mind, it's a matter of having the strength to keep battling on, to survive no matter what. Each experience makes us wiser, even though it took a sacrifice to get there.
I have lost a lot of loved ones. I have no female aunties alive: one died from a heart attack, one died from a brain tumor. My mother was killed in a truck accident instantly, along with my sister. I have no grandmother, she had a heart attack; no grandfather, he drank himself silly and fell back one night hit his head and bled to death by his bed; no father, he doesn't know I exist and I don't know his name and never will, just to name a few.
Recently I lost a cousin in-law. We were in the same year at school, we all grew up together in a small country town, and his wife is my blood cousin. She rang me and told me. She is the same cousin who rang me at the age of 11 to tell me my mother and sister had been killed in a truck accident. She had to ring me because the adults were too drunk to.
Now, when I think about it, my reaction was the same. I said, "What? What? Are you sure? It can't be true!"
It was true, I knew it was true; I just didn't want to believe it.
My first reaction to her was fear for her life. How would she survive alone without him, as she had never spent one day alone in her life? Although she sounded like nothing had happened, I said, "I can't believe how strong you are being after this has happened." With a nervous voice she said she had to be there for her children, their two boys.
She had never been strong in her life. She once said to me, "I'm jealous of you." When I asked why, she said, "Because of how strong you are." This was coming from a woman who had everything she had ever wanted and dreamed for.
Grief can change us in a lot of ways. If we let it drag us down, if we dwell on it for too long, we will not survive. Not only will you become like me, but also your life will pass you by and you will not know where or why it went so fast.
If we listen to other people and really hear their experiences and try to take in what help is out their such as counseling, reading grief books or reading stories from sites like this, we will just survive long enough to become a little bit stronger. Strength comes from within and soon that little bit of strength will become a power greater than you have ever known.
Once we realize that others have had to face the same problems and they have come through it, they have survived, we can start to believe that, "Hey, maybe I can make it through another day, maybe I can survive, maybe if reach out my hand to others I can lean on them and I won't fall down like the rest." We can actually start to believe in ourselves, we can try to smile again and maybe even laugh.
One person said to me, a few days ago, "If you smile, the world smiles back at you, but on the other hand if you cry, you cry alone." It's very true. I can only try to be strong and smile too. I don't know, but that's another challenge for me.
I hope each one of the people who read these stories and are suffering great pain, severe hurt, or are just suffering, I hope they take the right steps to help themselves to recovery. Even if it isn't your fault, you have to recover. It only takes one small step, just small steps, slowly one at a time, and you will never notice the steps you take.
We are greater than our circumstances. Progress is not brought about by force but by taking small steps towards positive change. I received this advice from a woman who was a reformed alcoholic, reformed because of grief - the loss of her youngest son.
Join together and we will only get stronger.
Copyright © 2007 Tammy Clancy
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