After I got raped, I kept it inside. All I wanted was love to help me get through it but I never had anyone to talk to my whole life. My mom was never home & neither was my dad. My mom, all she would do was give us money. She never gave us love at all. She never listened when we tried to talk to her. She was so caught up in work.
I lost my friends and I quit going to school. I stayed home & did nothing at all except get into drugs real bad because that was the only thing I could lean on from my pain. I turned into this completely different person. I didn't care about anyone and I hated the world.
After 5 months of going through this real bad depression & doing drugs (the last drug I did was crack cocaine) I got sent to a drug school where they had therapy and I found a wonderful therapist.
When I went to this school my whole life changed. All the teachers & my therapist cared about me so much & showed me love. I finally felt like someone actually loved me. It was the best feeling in the world.
I quit doing crack all by myself. My teachers & therapist gave me the strength to quit, just by loving me & believing in me.
8 months after the rape, which I was still dealing with, my sister got sent up. I have 2 sisters, which are my life. We took care of each other. We were always together. We had never been apart. It was really hard on me.
My mom, all she did was talk about getting her baby girl back. She didn't realize that she had two other kids. She never realized that. I began to hate her after my rape because I was hurting so bad & she didn't care or even help. I had to do it all alone.
Then, after that, my cousin moved away w/ her kids, which were my life. You don't understand, I took care of these kids since I was 14. I love them with all my soul. Their mom never gave them attention or showed them love just like my mom. I was there to give them love & attention because I didn't want them to feel so alone like I did so that hurt me even more.
I tried so hard to stay in school & get good grades, plus stay clean from drugs, plus try to deal w/ my sister being gone, plus deal with my baby cousins leaving me, plus deal with my depression from my rape, and also I tried even harder to stay strong & not give up.
You know how hard it is to do all that when you hurt so bad inside? I wanted to give up so many times but I never did. I had so much stress on me. I stayed strong though. I kept telling myself that I could do it, that everything was going to get better.
I found this AMAZING boy that showed me what it was like to be in love. He was there for me through all my stuff I was going through. I was mean to him because I was hurting so bad & he still, to this day, is sticking by my side.
I was too scared to get close to him because of what my last relationship did. For a while I couldn't. Then finally I realized that he wasn't like my ex. I realized that he actually loved me.
It's now been 11 months since I was raped. I'm still going through all of this stuff but at least now I have help. I love going to school, actually feel like I have a home and finally learned to express my feelings.
Since my mom never talked to us, I kept everything inside. At the drug school they taught me to talk about how I feel. They were there for me all the time. They showed me love & that is what's keeping me going. All I wanted all my life was for someone to love me. Thank god I got sent there or I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.
My point of this is that I'm a 16-year-old girl that has been through so much & I'm still going strong. Never give up, things will get better; they have to get worst to get better.
Also from all this it's made me a better & stronger person. I'm back to my old self caring about everyone & loving everyone. I have a really big heart and I just thank god every day that I have a heart and that I love everyone.
Stay strong people, I promise you it may feel like your whole world has fallen apart & there's no reason to live but there is. I love you all.
Written in 2007 by TJC --- West Virginia