One of the most sensitive observations made over centuries by theologians, philosophers, psychologists and counselors alike, which might touch our nerves is this:
"Many a times we don't realize that what we are doing to others is very much the deciding factor of how much they love us or keep us in esteem or fundamentally like to be in touch with us."
Some of the most common problems associated with people who complain lack of love and satisfaction from their spouses, friends, peers and family is their sinister habit of nagging, incessant stalking and cynicism.
How much of our time do we waste by nagging those who are near to us, if we do?
How much of their time do we waste, by doing this, if we do?
This is a common spoiler in relationships, be it marriage, friendships or professional interactions. Anyone serious enough to improve his/her quality of life should be more than happy to pay attention to such an important facet of life and human relations. This is high time for all of us to evaluate ourselves on this scale.
Psychologists and psychiatrists around the world say that people who tend to try to exercise undue control over other people, using this kind of a nagging approach, usually have some deep unmet needs from childhood. Either their legitimate desires were not met or their handicaps have been over emphasized.
Let us remind ourselves that it is their childhood hurts and dissatisfactions, which might be because of careless parents, siblings or social upbringings, which are causing them to be over reactive and cynical to simple issues of life.
For example: a dark complexioned person may be too reactive to conversations about skin color, if his/her parents and relatives have knowingly or unknowingly criticized and made fun of their skin color from childhood.
There is enough data from psychological research to prove that such people derive a satisfying feeling over uncontrollable situations and persons, by throwing such tantrums. It seems to give them a sense of ego satisfaction.
Hence let us re-evaluate if we are one of this kind and importantly let us not take a judgmental stance if we meet or associate with one such person but try to relate to them and make them feel easy.
Let us encourage them to be a livelier person and assure them that it is easy to overcome such a kind of behavior even though it usually stems from childhood.
Those of us who unfortunately express such behaviors need not feel ashamed but have to remind ourselves that we don't have any right to waste someone else's time by such activities, but instead, spend that time for self-improvement.
Anyone who follows this will see that people will eventually recognize the change and will like to spend their time and energy with them.
Similarly anyone who wants others to like them and enjoy spending their time and conversations with them cannot continue to be petty, trivial, cynical and nagging.
Only if these things are deliberately zeroed in on will people like to associate happily. Otherwise it would become a ritualistic relationship.
Let us remember a quotation:
"Sharing our time with others is one of the greatest gifts we give them, we give them a part of our lifespan".
If we want people to share their lives with us, we have to be interesting and not repelling.
Let us share our lives in the best possible way. Let us remind ourselves that life is too short to be lived petty, so let us live it pretty.
Copyright © 2009 Sam Vijay Kumar
As I was thinking about my close friends, I could find that they all shared common traits - they lacked qualities like nagging and cynicism but instead exhibited qualities like an encouraging nature and valuing another person's time. I had some interesting thoughts about the importance of dealing with repelling qualities as we are continuously in interaction with our fellow men and hence I decided to put these into words and try telling this message to all, far and wide.