I remember throwing up on purpose for the first time when I was 8 years old. I can't remember why I did it... But I remember it made me feel in control. This habit got progressively worse as the years went on... By the time I was 21, I was throwing up 15+ times a day and wasting over $20,000 a year on food from the university cafeteria.
In fact, my cafeteria visits were so extreme that I fabricated an identical twin to the staff. They thought there were 2 of me - I ate enough for them to believe it!
Bulimia ruled my life. It had held me in it's tight grip for so long that Id forgotten who I was and how to live without it.
I wanted so badly to recover from bulimia... I had tried a hundred times - but failed. All I wanted was to be normal.
But, I had one issue that was preventing me from recovering...
No, that wasn't being thin, nor was it eating what I wanted... The one thing that was 100% essential in my life was keeping my bulimia a secret. Nobody could know I was bulimic. If I was going to recover I would have to do it alone.
You see, bulimics are so ashamed of their illness. They feel like freaks. They feel wasteful, out of control and useless. They think that if they share their secret, nobody will respect them. They'll be unloved.
But, bulimia recovery is so difficult to do alone.
If you're bulimic - you'll know that. I'm betting that with every single new year comes a resolution to end bulimia.
But, it never works - does it?
I remember when I made all my failed attempts at bulimia recovery - I never focused on the real issues.
I would base every single goal around:
- Not binge eating
- Not throwing up
- Not giving into temptations
My goals were useless. Firstly I was focusing on the negatives... All my goals revolved around what I should NOT do... Secondly it's all very well to try to break these habits... But why did you develop them in the first place?
If you don't deal with the issues that made you fall into bulimia... You simply can't make a full recovery. Sure, you might be able to practice extreme self control for a while... But eventually you'll slip.
Let reading this article be your first step...
Recovery from bulimia is a long, but rewarding journey. Along the way you'll overcome many great obstacles... Only to find that there are still many more to conquer. But with every triumph, you are one step closer to health and happiness.
No matter how difficult recovery can be - it is a hundred times easier than living with bulimia... day in and day out. I expected bulimia recovery to be an awful, painful and embarrassing experience. It did contain elements of those things... But overriding all of them was the euphoria of knowing that in near future - I would be free from the darkness of bulimia.
That was 5 years ago now... And, since then, I have been healthy and happy.
I am now 100% free of bulimia.
I love my life and feel that I'm a better and stronger person for having had and conquered bulimia.
I realize how fortunate I am to live my simple and beautiful life...
I feel inspired by my freedom and will never take it for granted.
Copyright © 2010 Shaye Boddington
Need Help With Bulimia? If you're suffering from bulimia, it's important to realize you're not alone! To read more inspirational stories, articles and tips - feel free to visit my website: http://www.your-bulimia-recovery.com
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