One of the supreme assets that a person can have is - (1) A man in an office keeps on prattling and trying to tittle-tattle about a few, even though his colleague is disinterested, thereby hampering both his and his colleague's work. What makes him do this? - Obviously it is his need to feel approved and secure. (2) In a family, the woman keeps on pestering the husband over all the conversations and chores, even though the man expresses his idea to have a little cooling down and relaxation. Little does she realize that her actions are a result of a suspended desire for security in her mind?
In both these cases the people have different needs. In the case of the man in the office it might be his worry about losing his job, career and thoughts about his economic situation that makes him go on a ride of superfluous words, and thus unfortunately earning only the contempt of his colleague.
The woman might feel anxious about her husband's view of her image and importance in his life, but just does not how to positively deal with it without making him cringe and flinch at the thought of a conversation or dialogue with her, which apparently takes her on an emotional roller-coaster ride.
Both these people in essence should learn the fact that such non-specific approaches would not come up to their expectation in terms of giving them a sense of security, but only aggravate the intensity of their problem.
How many of us have such a personality in us and spoil our (wonderful) times with our loved ones, colleagues and friends by expressing unneeded thoughts and feelings, just to feel secure, if we do? How many times do we equate our sense of security with the quantity of time/words our spouse or colleague or friend spends/speaks with us, if we do?
The truth on the contrary is - Our security depends on what we believe about ourselves and not on what we think others feel about us. And this conviction is what will essentially boost our morale and eventually make us understand that people and materials often don't have anything to do with how secure we feel.
Counsellors and religious ministers unequivocally tell us that we would be searching in the wrong place if we go after people, materials, career etc., to achieve a sense of security and sereneness; we all would be straining hard to win a battle, already lost, if we do so. Instead we have to look within ourselves; to delve on the person who we are and that by modifying our behaviour, we will eventually have a positive transformation of our identity.
Let us keep in mind that we should practice calmness and sereneness with a resolute mind to keep our nerves under control, focusing on the ideals that we have to stick to in order to keep our progress steady, be it marriage or career or acquaintance, even if the situation seems tumultuous. And then we would see for ourselves that this certainly results in the edification of our character and personality and change our perspective about our security.
Copyright © 2009 Sam Vijay Kumar
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