Try this contemporary version of 1 Cor.13
Paul might have said in 1999...
If I speak with the confidence of Rush Limbaugh
and sing with the ease of Celine Dion but don't
have love, my words are like scraping fingernails
on a frozen windshield.
If I can program NASA's mainframe computer and
outsmart my chemistry professor, if I can
memorize the Psalms and read Leviticus without
dozing, or if I can even predict the future but
have not love, my value is equal to a pitcher of
If I give my Tommy Hilfiger wardrobe to Goodwill
and let my little sister rummage through my
closet, if I go to the stake and fry as a martyr,
or if I donate a gallon of blood every hour but
don't have love, my offerings are useless.
Love is Patient -- even if it means skipping a
trip to 31 Flavors in order to tutor an immigrant.
Love is Kind -- it doesn't stoop to Polish jokes,
Whitey jibes, slanty-eye stories, or jokes about
Love does not envy the basketball team captain,
the National Merit finalist, the class president,
or even the blonde who sports the most even tan.
Love doesn't get a swelled head over straight A's
or a scholarship to Princeton.
Love isn't snooty about a new Corvette or a
season pass to the world's premiere ski resort.
Love never jeers at the fat kid who hangs out of
his/her T-shirt in PE.
Love smiles when getting cut off on the
Love submits an honest tax return.
Love doesn't whine about the referee's bad call.
Love believes that God always provides the best
stuff in life.
Love hangs on to hope when the family is
Love does not change like hemlines and hairdos.
Love is like the Energizer bunny. It lasts and
lasts and keeps on going.
In the end only three things will remain: faith,
hope, and love. But the greatest of these is