A Tribute to a Beloved Friend
I remember thinking a long time ago that it was impossible to have an agape sort of love--a love that is absolute and all encompassing--an unconditional love--a love that transcends all else. I have found it with my friend, John. What a wonderful gift we have given ourselves in the friendship we share! I hold this friendship very dear to my heart.
Do you know the love you feel at the first sight of a newborn baby after waiting a long time for it to be born? When we talked on the phone or saw each other in person that's the kind of feeling we had towards each other. I know this love as beautiful, as powerful, and as strong. It is a love that is all accepting: without conditions or limitations or prejudices. It just is...and it's WONDERFUL!
We really grew together. It was through him and through church that I learned to receive total and absolute unconditional love. He was and still is my greatest fan, and I have been learning to nurture
self-love. My greatest desire now is to show others what a beautiful experience it is and that love is all there is. Nothing else matters.
John and I talked in February about my moving back to his home from Colorado to California in September. We talked about how judgment has played out in our lives and we made an agreement that we would work on this together-to try to take judgment out of our thinking because we knew it didn't serve us very well. When his health was beginning to fail, I remember telling him that he couldn't afford the luxury of a negative thought. Well, none of us can. These were things that we were going to work on in our behavior and thinking. On September 26 John made his transition into spirit.
I had been observing my feelings through my grief and just accepting that this is a process I need to experience. I was filled with intense feelings and emotions: anguish, fear, anger, frustration, and guilt.They had also been the greatest spiritually uplifting weeks!
The movie, Ghost, is pretty close to some of what I have experienced. These are 2 examples: Two days after his transition I was grieving again and remembered the last thing John said to me after my August visit and repeated it back to him; "I miss you already, sweetheart!" I heard: "The thing is now I can visit you any time you need me or any time I want. I am always here for you."
In another dialogue the following transpired when I said, "You know I gave my notice at work today and I'm going through another agency to find a better paying job. I'll get back on my feet again." And John responded by saying, "You wouldn't let me take care of you!"
Well, John found a way to communicate with me and he found a way to take care of me (of course, with my help...once I opened my mind). When his health was failing rapidly and the doctors were telling me that it was a matter of time, I decided not to make the move to California after all, but I did leave my contracted job.
During times of stress, I have felt this reassurance from God; "Relax and the Truth will be shown to you. Don't be attached to outcomes. Enjoy the journey."
His last visit was in a dream. We were sitting at his dining room table and he was laughing louder and harder than I ever remembered. I finally asked, What's up John?" He leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head like he always did when he wanted to make a point, and he responded, "You were absolutely right! There is no pain. There is no judgment. There is no fear. There is only love...only love...only love...." and the dream faded.
I have a dream! My dream is to put together a publication of people's spiritual experiences when they have felt God's Presence, been touched by angels, and random acts of kindness called Golden Moments. Till now I have made a couple feeble attempts to get started on this endeavor, and I recognize now that I was to experience my greatest spiritual adventure in this life. The person I am today is more open and receptive to hear stories of faith from others.
John, I know that you were instrumental in some of the events that happened. Your love has strengthened me. It has been my support and it has been my salvation in times of need. It is a Godsend. I cherish it and I cherish you. You will always be with me in my heart and I feel so blessed. I know now that you are experiencing your highest expression of your divinity and I know you are at peace. You see? There is no pain, judgment, or fear--only love.
What an adventure in faith! Thank you John! Thank you God!
--- Copyright © 1997 Bobbie Gonder --- Colorado