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HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

PAGE 9

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
--- From a headstone in Ireland

 

Here are 2 quotes from Spaniards about their holiday that was on November 1st & 2nd, called Los Dias de Los Muertos, translated meaning the day of the dead; a holiday which they celebrate the loss of loved ones. It is like our memorial day.

"We suffer 3 deaths.
The first is when we die.
The second is when we are buried.
And the third and most dreadful is when we are forgotten.
I build my altars so that I won't be forgotten."

Author Unknown

"From where I come I will soon return.
Remember me, as you know me."

Author Unknown
Sent in by Amanda S., Age 14 --- Wisconsin

"We are loved beyond our ability to comprehend."

Author Unknown
Submitted by Kasey O., Age 15 --- Victoria, Australia

I grew up a "daddy's girl" and the one thing he always said was that we have a choice in everything we do. If we don't like something, we can choose to stay away from it or we can change it. When he died, I thought, "Now where is the choice in this?" And then I realized he was still right. I could choose how I remembered him, not with sadness but with great memories. We always have a choice.

Copyright © 2000 LaDonna Wray

This was read at Matthew Dickson's funeral. He was only 17 when he died in a car accident. We love and miss you Matt, November 2, 2000.

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready, in heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized, that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said,

"This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
Today for life on earth is past, but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand and share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Copyright © 1997 Rikin Vasani
Submitted by Anonymous, Age 16 --- New Hampshire

This is in memory of Sherena Lang who died of an asthma attack this year. She was loved by everyone she met. She has been mourned by all of her classmates. We love you, Sherena!

"I know you'll always be watching, keeping us safe.
Please keep it up and guide us along the way."

Anne P., Age 15 --- Missouri

"Do not fear death
For when that moment arrives
I will draw my breath
And your soul will come to Me
Like a needle to a magnet."

Mechtild of Magdeburg
Submitted by T.D. --- Queensland, Australia

This was written for my best friend, who I lost touch with over the last year or so. She committed suicide yesterday and I miss her so much already.

God looked at her and sighed,
For she wanted a way out.
His heart was breaking to see her suffer
And hers was almost breaking more.

He asked her why?
She said she couldn't stand her pain.
God told her how she was loved
But still she prevailed.

God showed her how dear she was
But still she wanted to leave.
God finally said all right
And cried his silent tears.

She left this world
Scared and feeling alone,
When all the time she wasn't.
She had God, her family, and friends.

We miss you, Sarah. (March 10, 1984-December 12, 2000)
Erin C., Age 16 --- Nebraska

This Poem Is dedicated to my Grandfather, Earl Jr. C. He died in a horrible car accident. The man who hit him, never apologized and he will never know the Angel he deprived us of.

GRANDPA

There's a hole deep inside me,
And I don't know why it's there.
It could be because you left us,
It could be because you're not there.

You gave to us a light,
That shone above all the rest.
And that light died inside me,
The day we laid you to rest.

I need you more then ever,
I'm lost and can't be found.
I don't know who to confide in,
Now that you're not around.

You used to be my rock,
My soft place in which to fall.
Now that you have left us,
It seems I've lost it all.

If ever there was a person,
Who taught me to believe.
You were that very person,
Who told me not to grieve.

I remember once you told me,
That this day would have to come.
Never did I consider those words,
So tell me where do I run?

It seems that I should call you,
And tell you I'll be over soon.
To read you the new poem I've written,
And hear you brag and croon.

It's only now that I understand,
We can never be ripped apart.
Because Grandpa, no matter how far away you are,
You are with me in my heart.

Crystal C., Age 15 --- Missouri

Think of this when someone you love dies. They are only moving their visible self to another place filled with just as much love as they had here on Earth.

"What is dying? A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon. Someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all; she is just as large as when I saw her. The diminished size, and total loss of sight is in me, not her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout, "There she comes!" And that is dying."

Bishop Brent
Submitted by Laura H., Age 16 --- Georgia

I wrote this shortly after my father died in June of 2000. Writing poetry really calmed me and helped me show some of my feelings. I love you daddy!

Your hands have left a memory
Of kindness, warmth, and safety.
Although I know they're gone now
Your hands will always be with me.

When a quiet tear streams down my face
I think of your soft hands' embrace.
When a day I'm down and blue
I will always think of you.

Holding me, hugging me, setting me free
Of all these emotions empowering me.
I know that you are always here
Whispering "I love you" in my ear.

I wish so much
You didn't go
But I guess you had to
For reasons I do not know.
I miss your hands, dad,
Wiping a tear.
I miss them always
Holding me near.

I can't wait til the day
I see them once more
But I know until then
My heart will be sore.

Now each of my days
I will live for you
Sometimes it'll be hard,
But I can pull through.

When I play the piano
Or do what you love
I know you'll be watching
And smiling above.

Copyright © 2000 Laura Moyer

This is a true story, very sad and devastating, but I know that my grandmother was ready to meet Jesus, and go to heaven. Always look to the bright side, where God is pointing you.

This past Christmas was most definitely the most different Christmas of my life. Four days before Christmas, my grandma passed away. It wasn't because she was old, or sick; it was because her house caught on fire.

The fire was awful! The firemen said that it was one of the worse fires they have seen in a long time and I believed them when they said that. It took 30 firemen, 20 fire trucks, (from 7 different counties) approximately 5 hours to put it out.

It happened at night. My mom found our shortly after it was called in, but I didn't find out until I had to leave for school the next morning, so you can imagine the shock I had. The thoughts that ran through my head all day were "What were her final thoughts and how could this happen? Was it a painful death? Things like that."

The following day, my dad and my brothers left town to meet my mom and her siblings for the wake. It all kind of went fast. The following morning we had the funeral. That too went fast. On the next day, Sunday, (Christmas Eve) my parents decided to let my brothers and I take a look inside the house. Of course my mother had been inside it a couple of times, trying to salvage the little that were left, and warned us that it was pretty bad.

The hardest thing was remembering my memories spent in that house. The house was awful, and will most likely be torn down in time. But, I found a strange sense of comfort while in that house. I found myself thinking of a song that had become a favorite this holiday season; a song about a boy wanting to buy shoes for his mother because she was dying, and it was Christmas Eve, and she was to meet Jesus tonight.

And I was thinking, wow, it's Christmas Eve already, this is sad. But, then I entered one of the bedrooms of her home, everything looked badly damaged. And then, on the floor, I found a pair of my grandmothers shoes, just sitting there perfectly, almost looking untouched. What I am trying to say?

Even in a time in sadness, always look for the positive things. Because somehow, someway, God and whoever it is that left you to be with him, are trying to send you a signal to let you know that they're all right.

D. L., Age 16 --- Wisconsin

God, I know that you answer me. I know that I don't listen to your answers all the time. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for only listening to the answers I want to hear, for only looking for the signs that I want to see, hoping for what I asked for and not what you want for me. I apologize.

God, I know that you are here. I know that my guardian angels are here with me. I'm sorry for not always thinking they are here. I'm sorry for only thinking they are here when in times of need. I'm sorry for not thinking of them and being thankful in times of joy, for not remembering that because of you I am joyous.

God, I know that you listen to me. I know that you hear every prayer I send up. I'm sorry that I feel you aren't listening, when in fact you know what I will say before I know what I will say. You know everything about me.

I'm sorry for feeling that you don't understand me, or that you don't know what I am going through. I'm sorry, because I know that you are carrying my pain for me, I know that you are the shoulder I cry on, and that you are the one that carries me when I can no longer walk on my own. God, thank you for loving me!

Submitted by T. Meyer --- Minnesota

I wrote this poem about my best friend who passed away when I was thirteen years old.

SHINING STAR

In memory of Cassie Beth Montemurro

A shining star from up above
Reminds us of those we've loved.
Here today, gone tomorrow
Lonesome hearts filled with sorrow.

The pain of missing you never fades
But I cherish the friendship that we've made.
Though we can't talk day by day
I remember you in every way.

The laughs, the smiles, held so dear
Memories of you bring me cheer.
Holding you close in my heart-
With you forever, we'll never part.

Copyright © 2000 Lisa Nicole Redavid

I lost not only my friend but the truest friend I ever had. We were ten years apart but that never showed. I really believe She was/is my soul sister. She came into my life when I needed her most and just like that she was taken away from me. She was diagnosed with Lupus in '95 and four years later God took her home to rest.

I will never forget the day she passed on. I thought how could I ever go on with out her? She was my strength. My heart felt like it was being ripped apart. I haven't felt deep pain in my heart since the day I lost my father. We shared so much.

The best times we had were just sitting in her living room or taking walks just talking. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. She taught me how to accept myself for who I was and made me believe that I am special. Even in our busy schedules we managed to find time for each other. I miss her so much.

I've been having a hard time letting new and old friends in. I just don't know if I could handle that kind of loss again. I realized that would be selfish. Then I realized she would always be with me. Her soul has found a place in my heart and I know when it's my time to go "Home", we will be together again.

In the meantime, the best thing I could do is share our friendship with people so they will truly know what true friendship feels like and by doing so, it's helped me through my grief. I wrote her a poem and I'd like to share it with all of you.


A TRUE FRIEND

I found a true friend.
That friend was you.
You came into my life
Right out of the blue.

We knew each other
For quite some time.
Who would of thought,
One day you would be mine?

We shared so much laughter and tears,
And we had so much fun.
Who would of thought
you would be the one?

But I should've known
For our friendship was too perfect.
I knew I couldn't have you
Forever to protect.

Protect me from my fears
And insecurities
I had to one day stand
On my own two feet.

You taught me so much
In this short time that we've had
Losing you hurt me deep inside
I don't ever want a soul to feel this bad.

I want you to know
I will never ever forget you
For everything you've taught me
I will try to be true to.

Now it's my turn to share
My love and take someone else's hand
And teach her how
To be a true friend.

This will be the hardest thing
I'll ever do
But I know I need
To let go of you.

For if I don't,
I will never move on.
There's nothing I can do
To change the fact that you're gone.

But until the day we will be together again,
Remember you will always be
My one and only true and special friend.

I MISS YOU, RIS!!!!

Copyright © 2000 Charlene Rualo

This was written after one of my best friends committed suicide. I wrote it for her and it was placed inside the casket with her to be with her forever. My advice just treasure the time that you have with your family and friends, because after they are gone, life seems empty.

So here we are
And here we stay
In the dying hour
Of this dark day
We are together friends forever
Through all the bad weather
Wherever we endeavor
You are here for me
And I for you

Whoever you be
Whatever you do
And I'd give it all
For the love of a friend
Till the past melts away
Till the bittersweet end
I will be there for you
To help pave the way
To help, to hold
Forever and a day

Copyright © 1997 Mary Heiss

"Shared joy is joy doubled.
Shared sorrow is sorrow halved."

Author Unknown
Sent in by Shelley L. --- Ontario, Canada

In 1997, my premature baby sister, Josie, died. She was 3 months old. I think about her every day, and I have found that writing your feelings helps you feel better.

And the wind blows,
And the silence stills.
The past goes
And the hurt chills.

Innocent little baby,
You came too quick,
You were very beautiful,
But inside quite sick.

You weren't yet expected,
But much love you got.
No matter when you came,
You are still loved a lot.

Your time on Earth was very short,
But a great impact you've made on me.
You were my loving sister,
I shall never forget thee.

Too precious for us you truly were,
For God wanted you up there,
To watch over everyone,
With gentle, loving care.

To me you are an angel,
Watching from up above.
I hope you hear me praying,
I hope you feel my love.

I always feel your presence,
You're with me every way.
Keep watch over us all,
Until we meet in Heaven someday.

Copyright © 2000 Amy Fisher

"A short life fully lived is far more valuable
Than a long life never truly lived at all."

Copyright © 2000 Beth Cambron

In Memory of Kristopher "Kris" B. Carew
December 23, 1982 to September 29, 2000


On Saturday September 30th at 1:40 AM, the telephone rang. Although I didn't want to answer it, I had one of those feelings that this was an important call. Who would be calling me in the wee hours of the morning if it wasn't important?

It was my Cousin Sandy calling from the hospital to break the bad news. We had lost Cousin Kris in a terrible car crash. Almost in a state of delirium, I tried to focus. This was a dream, right? Kris is an active 17 year old who loved to smile and help just about anyone who crossed his path.

I hung up the phone and that was the end of my sleep. I couldn't close my eyes because all I could picture was what was said to me on the phone, "Jennifer, he's gone."

The next morning, the news stories began:
'Unknown teenager killed in motor vehicle crash in Holbrook.'

"What?" I though to myself; "Why is the news picking up this story?"

Pictures of Kris were plastered in all the papers and the TV replayed pictures of the accident. Then I got the whole story.

Nicholas and Kristopher, fraternal twin brothers born on Dec. 23rd and named after Santa Claus, were out with their friends drinking. Having enough sense to know that they couldn't drive home, Nick called a friend to pick them up. While the friend was pulling out of the street taking a left-hand turn, their vehicle was struck by a drunk driver, too intoxicated to even hit the breaks. The impact of the vehicle on the car that held Kris and Nick was enough to split the car in half. Kris, in the back seat was thrown 50 feet from the car and killed instantly. Nick and his friend walked away. How terrifying was it for my Aunt Nancy to be met by the police at her home after a movie to be told that her sons were in an automobile accident and how devastating was it for her to find out one of them was gone. How ironic is it for the twins to make the right choice only to have one be taken away from someone who made a wrong choice?

The point of this story is simple. By drinking and driving, you are taking the chance of not only risking your life, but destroying the lives of others. My Aunt will have to relive her nightmare for the rest of her life. Nick will have to relive the scene of trying to resuscitate his brother. Our family will have to live in agony with the senseless and tragic loss of Kris.

How can we, as a community, begin to unlock hope for our future? It begins with the choices we make. Kris' future was taken from him. Please don't let this happen to others.

I miss you Kris. I will never forget your smile. Rest in peace. Your Cousin Jennifer

Copyright © 2000 Jennifer Magee

"One thing I have noticed is that when the leaves fall off the trees in the autumn, the new buds are already there, waiting for spring. Perhaps this is God's way of reminding us that there is always something beautiful to look for when something has been lost."

Copyright © 2000 Callie Goodrich

"A loved one departs; their contributions live on in those their lives touched."

Copyright © 2000 Walter M. Skurda

Three months after my father died, I came across this poem and it was just a comfort to me.

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you
And whispered, "Come With Me."

With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away,
Although we love you dearly
We could not make you stay.

So when we saw you sleeping
So peaceful from your pain,
We could not wish you back
To suffer that way again.

A golden heart stopped beating
Your hard-working hands were at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

Author Unknown
Sent in by L.M., Age 15 --- Utah

I lost my cousin a year ago last month. He was only 30. I took it very hard and to this day I still can't cope with his death. He died very tragically; murder, three shots to the back of the head.
R.I.P. LaVonza Spears
02-05-70 - 10-25-99


FOR YOU, MY COUSIN
I WILL ABIDE MY TIME


The days you were here I took for granted. Now, the days without you, my heart can not stand it. The morning I got the call that you, my cousin, were gone; your life, my life and the memories all flashed before me. That very moment my heart got heavy and I fell to my knees I asked God, "Why? Why did you take him from me? Now who will watch over me?"

I felt your touch and you helped me to my feet. It was like walking on clouds, then I knew you would forever be beside me. I was hurt, I was scared and I was mad. I didn't want you to go. But I realized that God has a plan, you were part of it, so he took your hand.

I often wonder if you were afraid, if you had time to pray on that faithful day. Knowing you like I do, you are always prepared, so I knew you had prayed Your heart has always been in the right place, so I know you are safe. The day we laid you down for eternal sleep, I knew you would be okay, you just went ahead of me to make sure everything is okay.

It's comforting to know you are getting it right for when I take that journey to the other side, I won't be alone. I will see your open arms and smiling face at the end of the light to welcome me to God's paradise. I'm letting you go for now, but not forever. We will meet again and when we do, I know it will be for eternal life.

When it rains, I know you are no longer in pain When it snows, I know it's you my angel watching over me. When the sun shines bright, I know it's your warm smile keeping me safe. For the nights I wake up and see your face, I know you are there to tuck me in and to let me know you are okay.

When I look to the sky and see the birds flying high, I know it's you enjoying your part of the pie. I'm no longer scared, and I'm no longer mad. I can't promise I will no longer cry. I know if you were here you would tell me "be a big girl, big girls don't cry".

I can't promise that. I can just promise to abide my time.

Copyright © 2000 Sharron D. Charlden

I watched my father and brother-in-law die when I was six and have since become ill myself. Through my illness I have made, and unfortunately lost, many friends at my local hospital. However, no matter how hard things are, I believe no one should ever give up. There is always someone willing to help you and remember; that the only way out is through.

A good friend of mine, Steve Oakley, told me this quote and I hope it can help others understand how a God they love could allow them to suffer as they undoubtedly are.


"When you are walking through a gorgeous and romantic meadow with the warm sun beating down on your back and the partner of your dreams walking by your side, arm in arm, what would you be thinking about? I would think of the hopes and dreams I have for the future, the plans I would have with this perfect partner, the love I have for the world and for life itself.

I wouldn't, however, be thinking of the small animals and creatures that I would be killing with every step, or the habitat that I would be ruining underfoot. So, when you ask why God could let the world suffer and take your loved one away, remember that he is walking through the meadow of creation, focusing on a picture bigger than we can comprehend.

Author Unknown
Leigh B., Age 16 --- United Kingdom

I have been coming to your web site for the past seven months - after the death of my husband. I have found great comfort in the stories, poems and quotes. I hope that other people will find comfort in these words.

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven,
And bring you home again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knows why.

My heart aches so in sadness,
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.

Anonymous

April 16, was the day that changed my life, my best friend Bridgett was shot in the head by her ex-boyfriend, who then turn the gun on himself, killing himself. I had a hard time dealing with this, due to them having a 3-year-old daughter that has to grow up without her father and a mother who will be traumatized with what happened to her.

M.B. --- Illinois

Written after the passing of a young child

My heart goes out to you my friend,
I was with you until the very end.
For us there are no goodbyes,
We will meet again in the heavenly skies.

L.Walker --- N.S.W, Australia

The older one gets the more difficult change is.

I was still getting over the past, but looking forward to my future, when on August 12, 2000, my past ex-husband passed away of a heart attack. We were married 25 years and childhood sweethearts.

While still grieving his lost, on September 9, 2000, my sweetheart and best friend, whom I planned to spend the rest of my life with, also passed away from a heart attack.

Both were only 49 years old.

This poem tells how I feel. Maybe it would help express someone else's feelings as well. God be with all who are grieving losing loved ones.


A million times, I'll need you;
A million times I've cried;
If love alone could have saved you;
You never would have died;

If all the world was mine to give;
I would give it yes, and more;
To see you coming up the steps,
And walking through the door;

To hear your voice, to see your smile;
To sit and talk with you awhile;
To be with you the same old way;
Would be my fondest wish today;

A heart of gold stop beating;
Two smiling eyes laid to rest;
God broke my heart to prove to me;
He only takes the best.

Author Unknown
Sent in by Cathie L. --- Missouri

My dad died of a heart attack in October '00. This is so true for him; he was one of the greatest guys, and really was a friend to everyone he met.

"I think about how much I miss him, and start to feel sorry for myself.....but then I think about all the people who never got the chance to meet him, and I start to feel sorry for them."

Author Unknown
Submitted by Kendra G., Age 15 --- Iowa

 

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