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HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

PAGE 7

"I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss."
--- Rita Mae Brown

 

"When we believe ourselves to be alone ---
He is there... He hears us... He loves us..."

St. Augustine
Submitted by Grace Kane --- New York

My name is Bruce. I lost my brother John over memorial day weekend accident. To start, let me say that I'm actually John's brother in-law, but that word was never in either of ours vocabularies. We planned our hole lives around each other and his families too. I never told John just how much I love him, but he knows now. I think about him daily and I hurt.

When his wife and children move back to Texas, I'm going to be so alone. I talk about the accident and I'm trying to cope with it, but when I see a friend of ours, I just breakdown and the pain comes back. I read the stories about family members loosing someone they love so much, but I never seen any about my situation. John meant the world to me and no one will ever replace him. John, I will miss you very much.


Your loving brother Bruce..............May 25th, 2000

God Is Love! (From 1 Cor. 13:4,5,6-8) God is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. God isn't selfish or quick tempered. He doesn't keep a record of wrong doings that others do. God rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. God is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. God NEVER fails!!!!

Inspired by God
Submitted by Renee Williams --- Texas

My story is very different from many of the one's already on your website. You see, I haven't lost anyone close to me ... yet. My best friend in the world, who also happens to be my dog (Buster), is fifteen years old and is suffering badly from arthritis.

The vet has told us that it won't be long before the pain gets too much for her and we'll have to make the hardest decision of all - to let her go and end her pain. So reading all your quotes and poems has really helped me to prepare for the inevitable.

I believe that God sent me an angel who's job was to look after me through my childhood years, which have not been easy. My mum is an alcoholic, she and my dad are divorced, and more recently - I was diagnosed with HIV after being raped last year.

Things have been pretty tough, and I've been unable to share my feelings with friends or family. But Buster has always been there for me - he knows when I'm feeling down and gives me a big kiss. He knows when I need to be by myself and brings me his lead to let me know that although his legs ache with the arthritis, he'll come with me on a walk.

God sent me Buster to see me through - and now that I'm recovering, it's time for me to let Him have Buster back. I wrote this poem to help me understand what saying goodbye means, hope it helps;


If I go on ahead, and you can't keep up,
And you lose sight of me for a while
Don't stop, or slow, or lose the pace,
Run on for another mile.

Finish the race we began together,
And smile along the way
I'm just in front,
You'll catch me up,
And we'll run together again one day.

Sender wishes to remain Anonymous

I am here to tell anyone who has lost someone close to them that no matter how bad it gets there is always someone who has it worst and things will get better. My mother died of a drug overdose On October 18th 1995, even though I wasn't close to her, my heart broke and crumbled. I did nothing but think of her, and my half brothers who took it the worst. I also lost my Aunt who died at the age of 22 in a car accident who was like a sister to me. With my aunt and my mother gone, that left my grandmother heartbroken with her baby girl and oldest girl dead. But through all this I pulled through and I refuse to let death bring me down. My mother and aunt will always be in my heart and as long as I live they will not be forgotten in my life! I wrote this poem when I was feeling lonely sad and depressed. Please go on with your lives and remember my poem in your hard times, God bless always.

Your life was like a candle
For it burned away
My love for you is very different
For it will never go away
When I am without you
I curl up and I cry
But sometimes I get the urge
That I to want to die
Then I think of the good times
Putting Flowers in our basket
But then I think of horror
Like you lying in that casket
I will always love you
You are the only one
For mommy dearest you know
That I am your only son
I love you always mom,
I miss you more than you could ever know,

In memory of Susan Marie Lento
February 7,1964 - October 18, 1995
Your loving son, Jay

Copyright © 1997 Jason Lento

When my mum died of cancer in 1997 at the age of 64 she had copied out this poem for my brothers, sister and I. She was an inspiration to many through her magnificent fund raising efforts in the fight against this horrific disease. I miss her so much but I draw strength from these words.

I am home in heaven dear ones
Oh, so peaceful and so bright
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light

All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed
I am now at peace forever
Safely home in heaven at last

Did you wonder I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade
Oh but Jesus' love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade

And he came himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread
And with Jesus arm to lean on
Could I have one doubt or dread

Then you must not grieve so sorely
For I love you dearly still
Try to look beyond earth's shadows
Pray to trust our Father's will

There is work still waiting for you
So you must not idly stand
Do it now while life remaineth
You shall rest in Jesus' land

When the work is all completed
He will gently call you home
Oh the rapture of that meeting
Oh the joy to see you come

Sent in by Kim ---Kent, England

MANICURES

It's nearing that time again-
That day I dread.
The day God took you from me--
With all its painful memories,
the things we never said.

I wish I could have told you
How much you meant to me
And that all the games we played
--The manicures we shared--
Would always be part of me.

I wish I could have told you
How much I've always loved you
We had a special bond--
One only a mother and daughter could share.

But I was too afraid and hurt
Praying for the best, expecting the worst.
Knowing you were leaving was the hardest part,
After the hopes we had, the battles we fought.

But you have said that
"None of this can compare
to the challenge God has given to dare...
Love is present in everything."

And our love lives on in my heart, too.
For while we are a lifetime apart, all I need to do is
Close my eyes and think of you... and
You are right beside me.

I wish I could have told you all the things
I wanted to say,
But I know in my heart that
You already know...

And one day we will meet again--
And catch up on old times over a
Manicure.

Copyright © 2000 Kristin Gillen

"If there is a gap between past happiness and future happiness,
Bridge the present with happiness remembered
And happiness anticipated."

Submitted by Angie G., Age 18 --- New Jersey

When I found this website, I felt so relieved, because I saw stories and poems from other people that made me realize that I wasn't all alone, I wasn't the only one who hurts. I've never had someone close to me die because people I know don't die, that's why I find it so hard to come to terms with the loss of Clare.

A 16 year old girl who died of a disease known as 'Cystic Fibrosis.' A 16 year old girl who always had a massive smile on her face, a beautiful smile that would shine no matter how hard life was going or how hard it was for her to put that smile there. A 16 year old girl that touched the lives of so many and changed the lives of so many. A 16 year old girl, that I will never forget.

I remember how hard I found it to believe when Clare first became sick, I told myself that it was a dream. But it's been 2 months now, and it's now reality. There's so many things that I wish to say to her, so many hugs and kisses that I want to plant on her head. There's so many days that I just wish went on forever and so many times that I didn't have time to chat, that I wish so much that I could take back.

I'll never understand why so much hurt and pain could be put on one person, and I'll never understand how Clare got through it all. The day that I went in to see her at hospital and how she only asked question about me and how she asked how I was going. I didn't want to leave that day and if I'd known that it was to be our last face to face encounter, I'd of made it more special.

And when I left that day, I cried a silent and single tear, for me and Clare knew that this could of been the last. I know I'll never see Clare again, but I know that I'll never be alone because Clare will forever be near me and although I can't feel her presence, I'll always see her in my dreams.

Your were something special Clare and I'll never forget you as long as I live. I love you and I hope to see you one day, whenever that may be where I can hug you forever.

Goodbye, your one and only Big Bird, Laura Clare.

It was raining hard outside,
I needed to whisper her a soft good night.
I dreamed and saw her smiling face,
It was such a delight.

"Where are you Clare, I can't help but stare!"
As I think of you and the times we shared.
Remembering how you always cared,
And I know you'll always be there.

I remember at school, after the holidays,
Smiling at each other the way we do.
There's now to many miles, it use to be two little smiles.
Clare, I'll always remember you.

It was kinda like a fairytale,
I must admit that I thought she was bizarre.
But we danced and screamed,
Been sensible was always too hard.

You see she was an inspiration,
She taught me how to fly.
But she left and all I wish now,
Is that we could have had a better goodbye.

You were forever happy, but dying,
And sickness never seemed to let you fall.
I'll tell you why I'm crying,
Cause life without you is a bore.

There's not much more for me to talk about,
The presence we shared is now gone.
You, a princess with a wicked personality,
God taking you was so wrong.

I swear if we could just get together,
But it's never gonna be arranged.
Until I come to heaven,
And you meet me at the golden gates.

So many un- answered questions that I have,
It's weird how I'll never know.
But I got what I asked for,
A fun and never ending friendship,
That I asked for so long ago.

Copyright © 2000 Laura Broussard

TO MY DAD

Seven years have past, but it feels like forever.
I still feel the pain I have to endeavor and the emptiness
Deep in my chest and yes it gets less each year that passes by,
But it never goes, why did my Dad have to die?

Life goes on or so they say, so why do I miss him so much everyday?
My life has changed since he's been gone.
I wish he were here to see what I've done,
To meet my wife and my two dear sons.

Now with my family, that I love so much,
I feel warmth and happiness that no one can touch.
Now from this life you did depart,
You know Dad, you'll always have a place in my heart.

Written by Robert Malinowski

October 19, 1999 I lost a great coach and a truly inspirational person to cancer. She made me see the game differently than any other coach ever had. She always had faith in all of her players, whether they were having a good or bad game. Throughout all of her treatments she was always there for us, no matter how much pain and discomfort she felt. Coaching and softball was her life and she touched so many with her never say never spirit. I miss her and I am proud to be able to call her my coach. This is a poem I wrote about a week after she passed away, I just wanted a way to always remember her.

SHE JUST RAN OUT OF TIME

What made her so special, a standout, so unique
A peek at her resume showed she's a coach to keep.
Completed 3 marathons, 7 BIX road races
Her spirit remains forever in her players' faces.

A standout in high school, a scholarship under her belt
She knew how to win, she knew how it felt.
But winning wasn't everything, you have to have fun
Once you learn this, then you'll have won.

She always said, "play to win vs. playing not to lose"
Leave coach out of the action she would definitely refuse.
With fatigue setting in and her hair falling out
She played b-ball and elbow tag without a doubt.

She had strong faith, she gave us her trust
In a coach-player relationship she believed this was a must.
In turn we trusted her, how could we not
For this was a coach we respected a whole lot.

Open and honest about her condition
We hoped and prayed it would go in remission.
Remission denies, and so it came
She would go to a better place, a place with no pain.

Though this place seems to far away
I hear it's a beautiful place to stay.
Always smiling and living so free
I hope when it's my time there's a place left for me.

Written by Emily, Age 19

A friend in Seattle had sent me this lovely poem two years ago. It was used in a eulogy in 1997 for a good friend of ours who died that year while doing what he loved most in this world: climbing mountains. I found it and thought I would share it with people in your web site who have also lost a loved one, as I read it I smile and think of my friend and know his spirit soars and lives in the mountains he so loved.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned
Only remember me;

You understand it will be late to counsel then or pray
Yet if you should forget me for a while and afterwards remember,
Do not grieve
For if the darkness and corruption
Leave a vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rossetti
Sent in by D.G. --- Texas
Author's name provided by Liz Woodford --- Singapore

I wrote this to help get through the terrible time and thought that maybe someone else would like to read it and know they are not alone.

Many a tear has fallen
And my heart has ached with pain,
The good Lord awakened and touched your heart
To take you away he came.

As I reach for your hand
And realize its not there,
When I really need a hug
And talk to someone who will care.

It is these times and more
When I miss you most mum,
When I have only memories
Of our laughter, tears and fun.

I feel your rays of sunshine
Made by you just for me,
That makes me want to carry on
Knowing you watch me is the key.

Now the road traveled has been hard
With many a twist and bend,
Through the laughter and the tears
With the strength that you do send.

God knows you never leave my heart
And I think of you each night,
You're always there to guide my way
And keep my flame alight.

Copyright © 2000 Kacey King

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Author Unknown
Sent in by Jennifer Prugh --- Pennsylvania

This quote was given to my family at the funeral home when my Grandmother passed away. Since then it has been enclosed in every Sympathy Card I send and it never fails ...it really does help people see that grieving is a very personal thing, and no matter how you feel ....IT IS OK.

THE AFTER LOSS CREDO

I need to talk about my loss.
I may often feel the need to tell you what happened
Or ask you why it happened.
I may frequently need for you to listen
While I explain what this loss means to me.
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
Face the reality of the death of my loved one.

I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, your hugs.
I need you just to be with me.
And I need to be with you.
I need for you to believe in me and in my
Ability to get through this grief in my
Own way - and in my own time.

Please don't judge me now -
Or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I am grieving. I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I am experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before.

Don't be concerned if you think I'm getting better
And then suddenly I seem to slip backward again.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don't tell me you know how I feel
Or that it is time to get on with my life.
I am probably already saying it to myself.

Finally, allow me the time I need to grieve and to recover.
I want to get on with my life - but I know that first I must
Walk through the dark shadows of my grief. And,
Although it is almost impossible for me to believe this now,
I know that one day my grief will end.

Most of all thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for caring, for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.
And remember, in the days or
Years ahead - after your loss-
When you need me as I have needed you,
I will understand,
And then I will come and be with you.

Copyright © Barbara L. Strang
Name withheld upon request

Although I have sent in a poem before to this site, I know how much other people's words help me and I would like to do the same for others. I would like to dedicate this poem to my friend Sarah who died November 1, 1996 at the age of 16.

May you always walk in sunshine and God's love around you flow,
For the happiness you gave us, no one will ever know,
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone,
A part of us went with you the day God called you home,
A million times we've needed you, a million times we've cried,
If love could only have saved you, you never would have died.

Michelle, 19

Sometimes the hardest thing after losing a friend is the first glimpse of the grave. For three years I found it impossible to go to the site where my friend Sarah was buried. I wrote this poem after going there three months ago. I hope it will help some of you out there realize that it is okay to be afraid.

"Tranquillity" the sign read as I stepped closer to the place
The place where the air was thick and hot brushing against my face
For the first time I walked to your grave and silently called your name
But only the soft lapping of the lake water came

I reached down and gently touched the white flowers
That had always seemed so real
To find them rough in my hand and unpleasant to feel
Kneeling I lightly grazed the words that hold the essence of your being
And I realize I can't believe what I am seeing

I notice the dates beneath your name were not far enough apart
And a little piece of hope fell from my heart
I realized how unfair to lose you when you still had so much left to give
You were robbed of those years you still had left to live

Then the wind blew a warm gust through my hair
And I swiftly turned to see if you were really there
As I turned I caught site of a dandelion standing brilliant and true
And immediately my mind was flooded with memories of you
The memories that pieced the years of our lives together
The ones that will remain with me forever

As a little butterfly floats to the petal of a flower
I recall your beauty, strength, and power
Your bright smile that could light up a room
And quickly that butterfly replaced happiness for my gloom
Suddenly all hope and faith returned
All I felt complete joy for all I just learned

Once again you lifted me, my friend
And for that I'll carry your memory far past the end.

In Memory of Sarah Ellen O'Neil
July 8, 1980 - November 1, 1996

Michelle, 19

I suffered the loss of someone close to me when my friend passed away last year. It was the first time that anyone really close to me had died, and her death was extremely hard for me to deal with. I think about her everyday and am still trying to come to grips with what happened. The only things that gave me comfort were talking about my feelings and reading the next few things that I will share with all of you in a second.

Robin was loved by everyone who knew her. She was a warm spirit that could always bring a smile to your face, even in the worst of times. She had an wonderful personality and a great sense of humor. She touched the lives of an entire community in her seventeen short years of life and I feel extremely lucky to have known her. Robin was an amazing person who will forever hold a special place in my heart. Even though she is gone from this earth, she will live on in my mind, in my memories, but most importantly, in my heart. Now, she is my angel up in heaven.

I hope that these next few quotes will help everyone else as much as they have helped me.

"In heaven, where roses and lilies and violets meet, I'd be a butterfly."

Author Unknown


Once upon a sunrise
Life seemed oh so bright
Once upon a sunset
Life changed into night

Life was filled with darkness
That only you could see
The happiness you gave to others
I will take with me

To hear your voice, just one more time
Would mean the world to me
To laugh with you, just one more time
How happy I would be

But I know that we will meet again
And on that special day
We'll come together with wings of gold
And never fall astray

Author Unknown


Robin I miss you so much!!!! I hope that you knew how much you meant to me. Thanks for all of the memories. I will never forget you. In heaven you will find your wings and our Robin will soar again. Until we meet again . . .I love you and I always will!

 

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