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HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

PAGE 42

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
--- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


 

June 2011

"Can you imagine a world without pain? Pain is associated with suffering which in turn is also associated as something that is bad. But if you think about it, that couldn't be more wrong. Pain allows us grow, to see, to hear & to feel. Most of all... it allows us to live! Embrace the pain that makes you who you are... Embrace the pain that allows you to live!"

Written in 2009 by Mary G. --- Washington

June 2011

I am writing this in a state of perpetual loss. My Mother passed away 4 years ago at the age of 46, suddenly and in her sleep. When that happened it changed our family and my Father was lost. Then 2 years ago my Dad died a very painful death at the age of 50, from cancer. I for some reason cannot let go of him. It seems as though our souls are still entwined with one another. He was my rock, my confidant, and the best friend I have ever had.

I have been having some problems in my life and my emotions since he has passed and though I am religious, I don't know how to just let him go. He still walks through my daily life in my heart everywhere I go. Though I know he is in a better place, I feel like I am not me anymore and am now 31 and totally lost still... almost 2 years later.

Written in Jessica H. --- Oregon

June 2011

You had a plan for me,
Right from the beginning you knew me
Before my mother knew me,
You did before I was a bundle of joy to her
I was a bundle of joy to you,
You're my super planner

You have always had plans for me
Plans to prosper me and not harm me
Plans of success and good life
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
You're my super planner

You have always carried me with you
Through the past hurts and pains
Through unbelief and doubts
You taught me faith and love
And wrapped me with your grace
You're my super planner

You had a plan to take me higher
From glory to glory,
From strength to strength
I have no more failures in my life,
I have no more tears in my eyes
All I have is joy all day long,
You're my super planner!

Copyright © 2008 Vivienne Nkosi
I created it myself while going through some challenges. I was about to give up when I remembered that God loves me and I'm on earth for a purpose. This is for everyone going through the same thing... He loves you.

June 2011

I'm still aspiring to have my own family, a couple of kids and a husband, a beautiful house, a real estate empire one day, despite the "black cloud" that's hovering over me. I've had friends before, still do, who are living with the HIV virus. I just never thought it could happen to me.

I was supportive, particularly to the one friend because we were closer and I knew for quite some time, for four years to be specific. I expected her, or rather, forced her to believe that she'd be healed if she believed. And then one day, I decided that I needed to start life on a clean slate and leave my old reckless ways behind.

I won't lie. I loved hanging around people I was comfortable with. Drinking, loud music, dreaming big, a little sex, a bit of smoking, you know the likes. I had told myself that I deserved a break after long hours of shifts and working in what was before called a man's world, which I still believe is. I started to behave like one of them, thinking you can just go out and pick up sex, no strings attached.

Believe me, I was against it at first, but the longer I hung around my male colleagues, the more I started to believe I could do it too. The more I did it, the more I thought I could get away with it.

And then, until that day - December 1st, 2009, I decided to come clean and go for my last HIV test before I started my new life. I found out that it was too late. I'm not as formidable as I thought I was. It had actually caught up with me. I tested positive for HIV!

Now, I didn't even think of blaming anyone because I knew I wasn't innocent. What was I doing in the first place, trying to have a baby with someone whose status I did not know let alone not being married to that person?

And the very same person had lied to me and cheated, risking with my life. But all that happened because I allowed him. Now I have to face the consequences.

But the truth is, anyone can get HIV. You can be a faithful wife or husband and still get it as your anniversary present. You can even get it during your first time with someone you trust. Truth is, HIV is there, it exists. It's out there to get you.

Let it end with us, you and me, and everyone who has it. Lets protect each other. Please, positive or not, do not engage in unprotected sex with a person who's status you do not know. And don't forget to wait for the window period. And most importantly, regularly go for your tests.

Love them all but trust no one. If you were to see me, you wouldn't be able to tell I'm infected like most of the other infected people. But the most important thing is that there is life after HIV infection. It's not a death sentence.

HIV does not define you. Let us stop pointing fingers and come together as one against this pandemic disaster. We are stronger together. It could happen to anyone. It must end with us.

Let us all learn how it came about and how to live with it; its a better option than stigmatization. Let us make informed decisions - knowledge is power. And with knowledge, together we can come up with a better strategy to combat this enemy to mankind.

So, good luck to everyone; those who understand and those who don't but will hopefully some day.

Written in 2010 by T.N.M. --- South Africa
Something needs to be done about this. Everyday more and more people are getting hurt because of ignorance.

June 2011

My Best Friend And Big Brother

Hi! My name is Dorothy and I would like to tell my story about my best friend, my big brother, David R. Eberhart, who served in the Navy for fifteen years.

On September 2, 2002 (on my daughter's eleventh birthday) while he was on the Navy ship CV 62 "The Indy", David found out he had colon cancer. In 2004 the cancer went away. Then, when went on a new job on the Navy ship CV 63 "The Kitty Hawk" in 2006, he found out the cancer had returned back and he came back strong.

The doctors only gave him six weeks to live but my brother's famous words were "Never give up!"

He was in the worst stage but on May 15, 2008 he took the chief petty officer test while he was in the hospital in Hawaii, passed it and on May 16, 2008 he was pinned chief petty officer.

Sadly, David died on my 34th birthday, June 7, 2008.

Written by Dorothy Eberhart
He has been gone for three years and he was my best friend. I have no other brothers or sisters.

June 2011

" From the pain we carry, the emptiness we feel, lessons we will learn, what time cannot heal was never meant to be healed."

Written in 2010 by Laurie Vaughan --- Canada

June 2011

My grandma had been fighting cancer for quite some years. She would have one type of cancer, beat it and then a couple of months later would have a different kind. Then in January 2010 she passed away from pneumonia because she decided she wasn't going to fight it anymore.

Going through that and seeing her sick in the hospital was hard on my family. And as if that wasn't enough, 2 months later, in March 2010, my 15-year-old cousin got hit by a motorcycle and passed away. This was hard because my family hadn't really had to go through a young persons funeral so soon.

Then it gets worse. 3 months later, my 21-year-old brother/best friend/support fell over the Niagara Gorge and passed away. The hardest thing about that was that we had a stupid argument just before he left my house that night. 2 weeks later a close family friend was hit by a drunk driver and passed away.

The whole year has been a nightmare with one thing after another and has been a lot to handle.

Written in 2010 by Sabrina
I just wanted to say thank you because before I found this site, I thought my life was going to be horrible forever but this site has given me hope!

June 2011

"When someone dies it is normal to feel some grief at the sense of loss. And that's the point. We grieve because we have lost the future benefit of how that person made us feel and how our egos always benefited from that. A man says, "I grieve deeply because I feel deeply." Sounds good but it is the ego talking. When you lose the ego stroking that the deceased provided your ego, feels a sense of loss because the ego exists in the past and future. To stay in the present without creating scenarios of loneliness without the loved one, is to grieve minimally realizing that death is part of life and a transition, not an end. Detach with love and accept what is, and the grieving will take on a more real dimension. "

Written in 2010 by Alan Hoxie --- Arizona

June 2011

"How do I deal with my grief, immeasurable beyond belief? Then again, I'm feeling fine. Man may be mortal, but God is divine."

Written in 2010 by Hercolena Oliver --- South Africa

June 2011

"After separation, we seek happiness and inner peace After divorce, we seek great new and humble beginnings with never ending love and laughters from our children. At the end, we still have our dignity and pride, the strength, the wisdom and courage to face any challenges in life."

Written in 2011 by Rana I. --- Australia

June 2011

"When you're walking through the valley of the shadow of death, don't stop. Keep going. Fight through he hard times. Give it all you have, and when you can't walk anymore, God will carry you. Run the race, finish to the end. Don't stop!! And remember, it's only a shadow. "

Written in 2011 by Jake H., Age 17 --- Idaho
I wrote this from some of my experiences in life. Knowing that life throws things at you that you have no control over, I have to give those things to God.

God is not a religion, but a person. He is someone who loves you unconditionally. No matter what you've done, no matter what you do, nothing can ever change his love for you. I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Not death, not life. Not angels, not demons, or even that popular kid, that enemy, that best friend, or parents. Not our struggles, our pains, our emotions, our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow. Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.

Events and circumstances happen. Storms come. Floods come. Rain pours down. Life is not about avoiding the storms, but it is learning to dance in the rain.

One of my favorite songs is New Day by Robbie Seay Band ...
"Let the world keep spinning 'round, for yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face. It might not be the prettiest thing that you'll ever see, but it's a new day, oh baby, it's a new day. And it might not look like a beautiful sunrise but it's a new day, oh baby, it's a new day. It's the calm of the storm that comes blowing in, it's the springtime saying I'm back again, the clouds that roll by crossing moonlight; Me and you love everything's alright. Standing in the rain with nowhere to go, laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you remember this day for the rest of your life. Me and you love everything's gonna be alright."

June 2011

Last year my mom passed away from liver cancer. This is her story.

My mom's name was Jamie and when she was 28, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mom never drank alcohol or smoked cigarettes in her life so it was shocking. The type of breast cancer was called metastatic which means even after chemotherapy and radiation, it can still can come back in any random spot in the body.

My mom had an on and off battle with it; it eventually moved from her breast to her lung and hip and back to her lung during her 5 year battle.

Well one Tuesday she had an appointment with her doctor at Roswell Parks Cancer Institute. She had gotten out of the hospital a couple days before that day because she had pneumonia. Well that Tuesday was the day that she was told she had two weeks left to live because the cancer had move to her liver, which was already completely ruined from the chemo.

My mom was always upbeat and happy and high-spirited but this, well she gave up after hearing this. I don't think I saw her smile again. She passed away 5 days after we got the news. I'll never forget that day, November 29th, 2009. It was without a doubt one of the saddest days of my life.

If you're reading this and you are currently battling cancer, don't give up. I promise you, you can get through this; having cancer doesn't have to be a death sentence for you.

While my mom was battling that cancer, she was in a bowling league one night a week. She went with my brother to watch his Saturday bowling, drove me to cheering practice, drove hours away from home with me for cheerleading competitions, coached a Special Olympics cheerleading team, cheered on the parent/family cheerleading team, and at home, she took care of me, my 12 yr old brother and my step dad.

Cancer, it doesn't have to be a death sentence. Courage, Strength, Hope. You Can Survive This. That was my mom's motto. Think it sounds unbelievable? Try being seventeen and have all this going on around you. But after everything that has happened, I don't grieve as much anymore because I now know she will no longer be in pain, and that she will always be watching me.

Rest In Peace Mom.

Copyright © 2010 Georgianna Raynor

June 2011

"One day you'll see it. You'll see how you CHANGED me forever. You'll see how you made it hard for me to ever bear my soul to anyone. You'll see the walls I built to keep you out and in turn kept everyone out. You'll feel their strength... made so strong so no one will ever be able to break them down.

You'll see how you broke my heart into such tiny pieces no one would ever be able to put it back together. You'll see it. You'll see how you crushed me until I couldn't breathe. You'll see how you made it impossible for me to move or speak until all I could do was cry.

You'll see how you paralyzed me in all parts of my life, not just physically. You'll see how you scarred me and bruised my heart and my soul. You'll see how you made everything harder. IMPOSSIBLE."

Written in 2009 by Jade Y. --- Australia
I wrote this when my heart was broken and I had no one I could turn to because I couldn't trust anyone.

June 2011

"Our Generosity, our sweet home."

Written in 2011 by Paulus Widiyanto --- Indonesia
I feel something in my deepest heart as empathy to those who suffered because of the eruption of Merapi mountain in Central Java, Indonesia, last 2010. I've taken appeal to all my friends to do something, and I said it in Indonesian language "Murah Hati kami, Rumah Hati kami.." English version is "Our generosity, our sweet home".

June 2011

Going Back

My mind drifts back to the swimming hole
Crawfish, rubber guns and kites
Up on the roof with my first airplane
Sails off on its maiden flight

It seemed like Santa took ten years
To make the toys he brought
But somehow every year he came
With gifts and toys

School didn't have a football field
The restrooms were out back
No lunchroom to serve a good warm meal
We carried it in a sack

I remember well the marble games
With steelies, cows and dibbs
The kids now days never heard of that
At fifteen they are wanting wheels

Across the tracks laid the furnace field
There a clump of trees grew
Once I doughed up a pint of booze
And with rock candy added used { Camphur}

Now that old dam on Cedar Creek
Looked built a thousand years
Its spill ran through the horseshoe
You could see if it was clear

Well I hear the T.V. going strong
My memory time has run out
But I have been blessed with a Good Life
I just like to think about

Copyright © 1974 Larry V. Davis
In Loving Memory Of Rev. Carl Wilmer Davis

June 2011

"I think where I would be now if that had never happened. I think what I would be like if I had never met these people. I think how much a life can change from just one event. I think life takes it's way for a reason, so I will try not to fight it but I miss you."

Written in 2010 by Sarah M., Age 15 --- Australia
I wrote this quote for/ on the tenth anniversary of my dad dying. I was 5 when he died so it was very hard on me. Everyday if there is something that reminds me of him, it will affect the rest of my day. I miss him so much.

June 2011

"Scars are a point of reference so that the enemy will run into thin air; it reminds him how strong you are."

Written in 2011 by By Pastor Xolani Dube --- South Africa

June 2011

R.I.P. Dad
Edwin Ortega 12/6/2010


Dad I was there in your time of need
I walked with you hand in hand
Side by side
I told you I would fight for you on the outside
All you had to do was fight your body on the inside

You looked in my eyes and you told me you were tired
I asked you to please fight, don't leave me
You smiled and you kept fighting

Was I selfish because I didn't want you to go away
Because I wanted to be with you another day
Another hug to share, another kiss
Or just to hear your voice and say how much you love me

Well Dad, I love you too!
You broke my heart Dec. 6th 2010 at 9:17 am
When you went away

I saw you
I held your hand
I looked at you and realized
You were gone

My Dad
You fought for a long time
You proved those doctors and nurses wrong

They called you 9 lives
I told them you was a fighter and not to give up on you
I never doubted your strength, courage or determination

I know you feel no more pain
But my pain just began
Till we meet again, dad
Love always
Your daughter

Copyright © 2010 Frances Ortega

June 2011

"When you can be able to think of tomorrow, it's a sure sign that the power of life that can take you there, can also take your grief to yesterday."

Written in 2011 by Frank Masanta Jr. --- Zambia
There seems to be an internal power of life that is always there as long as we have life.

June 2011

"Just as we can never actually cry for someone's cause, no one can ever actually grieve for our loss."

Written in 2011 by Ruheen Khan --- India
I recently lost someone close and realized that our losses are our own and that no one else can actually ever understand the gravity of it.

June 2011

I Miss You

I miss you,
I miss your smile,
And I still shed a tear every once in a while.
Even though it's different now,
You're still here somehow.
My heart won't let you go,
And I just need you to know,
I miss you sha la la la la
I miss you........

Copyright © 2001 Trinity Jeannie Raymond
I wrote this song for my dad who died on Christmas Eve when I was just 6 years old... It's been 10 years since then but I still cry every now and then. But this song is nowhere near finished but if you like it, please help me think of some more lyrics! My dad died in 2001 and I still miss him sooooo bad!

June 2011

Seeing you lay there - no movement, no life, no soul - broke my heart and pushed me to the ground. I began to cry and reached for the love but the one I loved had gone away leaving me alone to face the ever-trying day.

My head knew you were gone forever but my heart held onto the hope you were just sleeping. For a moment I saw life; it was a treasured moment worth keeping. Now I need to let go for good but it is the hardest thing to do.

I had never loved someone so much and for days I let my tears flow until the realization hit me: I had to let you go.

I will never forget you, that is impossible. You can never be replaced; I will forever love you. You will forever have a special place in my heart.

Written in 2010 by Dayana L. --- New York
On January 8th 2005 my boyfriend passed away. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever gone through. 6 years have passed and I cannot forget him, I still love him very much. Trying to move on has been one of the hardest things but I know he's looking down on me and giving me the strength to deal with this pain. I will forever love you.

June 2011

A Message to My Mom



It took a long time for me to wake up after you left this world. It took years for me to redefine myself after you faded from my eyes and left to attain the glorious nirvana.

I was not even 14 years old and I remember that I smiled when I was told that you had your last breath (Oh my!! What the hell heart I had). When I had to carry your lifeless body on my young shoulder, I cried, not because of anguish caused by your death, but your frozen corpse weighted more than usual and it dug my bones out.

Here again, I failed to realize that you carried me on your back for years and now, I was carrying you for the first and the last time.

I saw the red fire swallowing you up and I saw your cold ashes sinking in an unknown river. Today, the heat of work and cold breeze of the past remind me of your last day. Oh... it pricks the most fragile nerves of my heart.

It wasn't too easy to get the things right but gradually, smiles started to shape on our faces and we were quite content. But never did I know that your absence assailed me hard and then it was too late.

I fell in the trap of so-called 'bad company'. I started to be irregular in my classes and got involved in so many socially undesirable acts. My academic performance started to decline and as a result I could not qualify for higher education after class ten.

After a year, dad resigned from service and decided to go back home. By the way, Dad stopped smoking right after your departure. There was a big question regarding my higher education.

For one whole year, I stayed with dad in our farmhouse helping him with the farm. It was at that time that I saw you in my dream. You were going towards the west with two other women and we met at the Laptsa Chorten. You were carrying that lunch-bag which you always used to bring when I was in hostel.

At that time, you did insist me to follow you but I denied. As you walked away, I saw you touching all the prayer flags on the way and you never looked back.

Dad cried when I narrated my dream the next day. He said: "If you had followed her in your dream, you would have been gone too."

From that night onwards, I never saw you in my dreams. That night was a special one for me because it took me to the right path of my life.

I am an unlucky person because I can hardly remember your face. I guess there was a mole on your right ear, but the bottom line is that I could do nothing for you. Not even a cup of tea I could offer from what I earn now, but every day, I start with your name and end with your name.

I light these lamps for you, so that their flames will keep you alive in my heart. In these lamps, I have a message of my utmost respect and love for you.

Written in 2011 by Sonam Tashi
I am a journalist by profession and am a Bhutanese living in Thimphu, our capital city. I have written this story about my mother whom I miss so much, almost everyday. If you wish to contact me, please email me.

June 2011

"The Creator is far closer than the clothes you put on, seek him anytime. In times of grief, He is ready and will give you hope and love. There's no friend closer than him."

Author Unknown
Submitted by Desmond O., Age 16 --- Nigeria
For those who feel discouraged and hopeless.

June 2011

"Grief is unrelenting in its pursuit of the heart. You occupy your hours... minutes... seconds with whatever to stay one step ahead of it, but it always catches you and puts its icy fingers around your heart and squeezes and there you go again... feeling like the floor just got pulled from underneath you and nobody can hear you screaming... and then the "Son" comes out and you live to fight another day."

Copyright © 2011 Vivian Rodriguez Irizarry
I lost my daughter almost 5 years ago and I wanted to express how I feel and how I overcome.

June 2011

From creatures now my soul is free,
Detached from all created things;
Now she at last has taken wings
And lives her life delectably,
To God, and God alone she clings.

St John of the Cross
Submitted by Peter G Kimble --- United Kingdom

June 2011

"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."

Author Unknown
Submitted by Moises Reconalla --- Philippines

June 2011

You went to see them today

You went to where they lay

On this beautiful Easter Day

You knew them at their best

Before they went over the crest

Before they were laid to rest

You gave them much of your soul

Wondering what is your role

Wondering what is God's goal

The truth was when

They knew it was a begin

And not an end

You are an angel on earth

You have an awesome worth

To have given to this new birth

God Bless You All

Written in 2011 by Granny Bea

June 2011

"If someone you held close to your heart dies, don't think of it as a loss, think of it as an angel watching you from heaven giving you guidance and courage to live on."

Written in 2011 by Victor Sereno

 

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