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HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

PAGE 33

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."
--- C.S. Lewis

 

December 15, 2004

"As the hour candle's burning, I felt the soft caress as like a moonbeam on my face, that whispered, 'Remember Me'."

Copyright © 2003 Uwe D'Drose
This verse was written in response to my father's passing, and has helped a number of people

December 15, 2004

"We are all born to live, learn, laugh, listen, labor, love and leave."

Copyright © 2004 Jim Johnston

December 15, 2004

Do I accept and celebrate, Oh Lord?

Dear Lord,

Coach me on how to accept my burdens and carry them in Your Name. Teach me how to celebrate in anticipation of Your Divine Rainbow Promises and the Brighter Tomorrows you plan for me. Be at my side as I gather prose buds.

Remind me to study Ecc 11:7-8. Allow me, Oh Lord, to present the message in first person. "It is wonderful to be alive. If I live to be very old, let me rejoice in every day of life, but let me also remember that eternity is far longer, and that everything down here is futile in comparison."

In summary, Lord, I submit to Your Will. Oh that I would accept Your Help in carrying my crosses. And, Lord, laugh with me as I celebrate Your Precious Gift of Life each morning when I awaken.

Lord, shower Colorado Annie with Your Holy Peace and Joy.

Be with her in sadness and woes,
Walk with her wherever she goes.
Sing with her at cheerful hours-
When she gathers pretty flowers.

Copyright © 2004 Mary Ann Herman-Bogle
My cherished friend Annie in Colorado sent me a note recently and mentioned several profound things. Her faith and her personal chats with Our Lord are inspirational. That serious aspect aside, Annie has a FUN-derful sense of humor. She has a creative way of brightening my screen with her powerful light-hearted literary devices. She talks AND walks her faith. Annie is a pseudonym I created for her. She is sorta shy, ya know. She used two words in her latest letter...."ACCEPT and CELEBRATE"...Annie teaches me how to pluck joys from a garden of troubles.

Annie is one of the many angels in my world. What's more she is on a cherub team of sorts...they make angels at a hospice center. Thank You, Lord, for all the Annies (both genders of all ages) in my life.

Lord, that I keep learnin' from others

My offering is a tribute. I pause and remember Margaret Herman, bless her soul.

She DISproved the mother-in-law image of many stories floatin' around today. She taught me simple, but powerful lessons in love, patience, understanding, forgiveness, kindness, compassion and family loyalty. She gave me cooking tips. She shared some old fashioned techniques for minor around-the-house repairs.

In the early years of my marriage to her only son, she would gently offer her advice, always with a disclaimer, "You might think I'm not too smart, but...here's what I'd do....When I was your age - my mother-in-law tried to coach me on certain things and I thought she was wasting her time. Now, I'm passing on her ideas to you. They do work - if given close consideration."

She used to starch and iron her pillow cases...I'd laugh and she'd say, "They are easier to keep clean when you do that." I told her her son didn't want me to put onions in his food, and he kept tellin' me in the first months after our Honeymoon, 'It just doesn't taste like Mom's cookin'..." Finally I had a heart-to-heart chat with Mom (just the two of us...)...She listened to me and then said, "Ah, I had the same situation with your father-in-law....His mother told me...to chop the onions up fine and throw them in when he's not around..."

I did what she said and her son FINALLY told me, "Ymmm...this is great...just like Mom used to make." After several years passed I told him about my talk with his mother...He smiled...and agreed that onions do make a difference.

Mom Herman and I would occasionally go shoppin', out to lunch and visit friends while Daddy and Grandpa watched the boys.

Mom Herman and I would giggle like two school girls over silly jokes.

Gram Herman doted on her 5 grandsons....
Gram Herman had faith.
Gram Herman never ever criticized me.

When my son Joe prepared for marriage, I frantically called Mom Herman and begged her for help...I asked her the secrets of bein' a good mother-in-law. Taken aback she chuckled and said, "I don't know...but, you'll do O.K. Just use common sense and share your love."

Mom Herman looked for as many pleasant things as she could when she visited (with my aversion to housework...she had a tuff time, I'm sure) and would compliment me..."...Lunch was so tasty..." "..How do you manage to find time to sew lovely curtains?..." "You look so pretty today." If there were dirty dishes in the sink....and she noticed I had other tasks...she'd clean up those dishes and put them away...sayin', "This won't take long...and besides - you're busy."

One day just before I left for an appointment with an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist (for allergy treatment)...she said, "My...you look so nice...I hope you have clean underwear on...God forbid you have an accident." I assured her I did...but also mentioned that ENT doctors didn't look at other body parts. How wrong I was...The doctor wanted to see my mid-section for possible rash...Later when I told Mom Herman...she smiled ...Did NOT add, "It's best to have clean underwear on...just to be prepared."

Mom Herman bragged about me when I wasn't around...word would get back to me and I'd marvel that she always told others the positive stuff ...never ever anything negative.

Mom Herman went to be with Our Lord on 11-11-86. She's gone from our midst, but she will never leave my heart. Thanks, Mom, for puttin' up with the likes of me. I was beyond blessed with the likes of you.

Dear Lord, help me to learn from others who are willing to teach me about life in Your Name. Remind me to remember the good stuff and to somehow improve on the bad stuff.

Before signin' off...allow me to share this...Jay ( my new husband) tells me about his mom...I wished I had had the chance to meet her...a fine Christian woman who loved her husband and family. She helped the needy whenever she could. She taught Jay manners from little on.

I thank both women....for the sons they had...and for the wonderful education they passed on. May their souls rest in peace and joy.

Copyright © 2004 Mary Ann Herman-Bogle

December 15, 2004

"Nobody has ever gone, as long as their soul remembers them."

Copyright © 2004 Johni Pangalila

December 15, 2004

"With bad todays, come better tomorrows."

Author Unknown
Submitted by A.S., Age 18 --- California
Very motivating, especially when you're at your worse

December 15, 2004

Well, I just sat here for about an hour looking at all these amazing stories and just balling my eyes out. All these touching stories inspired me to write something in here also.

Let's just start out by saying.. I'm 15 years old and I have one younger sister who is 13. My dad is a single parent--widowed actually. My mother died of stomach cancer when I was only 4 years old--making my sister only 2. At that time I didn't really know what was going on and never understood how much it would affect me in the long-run.

But now that I look back on it, I have lived an amazing life so far, and I am so thankful for everything I have. My dad is an amazing man and I admire and respect him so much. He has raised my sister and I for almost 11 years by himself now and just has done an incredible job.

When my mom passed away, my dad was in shock, he was so upset but he knew that he had two little girls that he still had to raise. I hear a lot of stories about fathers who leave their children or even mothers. I am so thankful that my dad stayed around and raised us. I know he misses my mom very much and so does my sister and I but we all work together as a family to get by every single day and though we go through many tough times, I could always go back to my family if I ever needed anything..support..love..or just someone to talk to.

Yeah, and sometimes I do cry myself to sleep or just start crying thinking about my mom, but it's okay. I've learned it's okay to cry. I know she's in heaven now looking down and watching over all of us.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm getting upset with God. But then I think, it's not God's fault. He put her on this Earth and she lived a great and wonderful life, but when he felt it was time for her to come home he took her. Unexpectedly. No one had ever thought of it. It just upsets me. It gets me thinking ..why does this have to happen to me and my family?

I just wish she was still here. Girls are really close to their moms and it's hard for me because I don't have one around. And I grew up without a mom, didn't get to do any girl things with my mom, never got to sit down and talk with my mom..she's gone, and I can't bring her back.

I remember when I was in about 3rd grade, the teacher made an assignment to make a Mother's Day gift for our moms. Of course, I couldn't do that. I just wanted to cry right there, but I walked up to the teacher and told her what was going on, and I ended up making a father's day card. But there's no other worse feeling in the world then having all your classmates staring at you and asking you all these questions .."Why aren't you making your mommy a card"? It's a horrible feeling, and that day is one day I will never forget.

There's one thing I can do though. I can pray to God and just remember she's in a wonderful place being the beautiful angel that she is, and I've got many pictures of her I can look at whenever I want to remember her.

There is something important I want to share with you that I have learned from this:

"Always be thankful for everything you have. Sometimes it doesn't seem like enough, but be grateful for it anyways."


I'm so thankful for having a wonderful father, sister, my best friends, and boyfriend. You guys are what keep me going everyday, and I love you all to death with all of my heart.

Written in 2004 by Amy G., Age 15 --- Ohio

December 15, 2004

"Tough times don't last. Tough people do."

Author Unknown
Submitted by Rubinelle B. --- California

December 15, 2004

"Strength to change the world comes through tears; cry baby."

Copyright © 2004 Hamish Cameron

December 15, 2004

Having a loved one commit suicide is the worst thing in the world. You have to live with knowing your friend chose to take their own life.

My friend commited sucide a little over a month ago. Sometimes I think I can't take it. I really don't know when I will ever get over this or if I will ever. Please if you are ever thinking about suicide, do not do it. Your friends and family will be grieving forever.


Written in 2004 by L.W., Age 16 --- Ohio

December 15, 2004

"You never truly know yourself until you see how you react to those around you."

Pastor Ron Schmitt, Philly, Pa.
Submitted by Doug Zeeff --- Florida
From a sermon given at Venice Bible Church on 12-5-2004

December 15, 2004

MY SWEET JESSIE BESSIE

My sweet Jessie Bessie,
What I wouldn't do to rewrite this life,
And I'd still have you

No child would get cancer and be taken away
I'd have you forever, until my last day
I tried to fight reality, but reality always wins
We were both so horribly cheated
Of the life that could have been

Time can never heal this wound so deep
This mountain before me is so very steep
I struggle each day
My climb to survive

My broken heart beats

I must be alive
Facing the world
When I'm crying inside
Has kept me at home
Just wanting to hide

I must be brave and go on,
I have no choice
What gives me the strength and the courage is
The sound of Zach's voice

Wishing to remain Anonymous
I wrote this poem a year after losing my beautiful 4yr old daughter to cancer. My son Zach has been my reason to survive.

December 15, 2004

"When you lose someone, you always think of what they would have done without you, while they are thinking in heaven of what you have done together."

Written in 2004 by Kati M., Age 14 --- Washington

December 15, 2004

I recently lost my Nan, just over a month ago. My Nana meant everything to me. Se brought me up, listened, gave advice but most of all she was always there no matter what. I loved my Nan and have no regrets, but I never got to say goodbye and so wrote this poem to help me through it; to see that there will be a better day. It may be weeks, it many be months, it may be years but one day there will be a better day.

I still cry every night as I kiss a picture of her and tell her I love her and goodnight. It may seem pathetic but it gets my through the day, talking to her in my mind as if she is here, no tears, no words, no hugs, no memories, no nothing will bring her back.

I wish it could but it can't and that's the one thing I don't want to accept. And as we near Christmas and I write cards and buy presents, I ask why each day, and imagine my first Christmas without her. It will be hard and I'm crying as I write this but as I said, one day will be a better day


TO MY NUMBER ONE NAN X X X
All My Love Now And Forever, Dedicated To The Best Nanny In The Whole World. Love Dawny

Many special moments you and I shared,
Knowing you were there, knowing that you cared.
Memories in my mind, memories in my heart,
We are still together, never to be apart.

I know you're near and feel your love,
I love you loads you knew I would.
Looking back and feeling sad,
But soon those moments will make me glad.

Grandpoppy was your love, your life,
You loved each other and your love was your sight.
We lost him eight long years ago,
But now you're together and your eyes are a-glow.

I know you're happy, but we are alone,
Feeling sorrow because you have left your home.
Your new place, up in the sky,
You both are angels, way up high.

Missing you and feeling numb,
Even the sky has lost the sun.
But one day soon I hope we'll see,
That what has happened was meant to be.

It seems so harsh and hurts deep inside,
Why, oh why did you leave our side?
The skies are dark, our lives are grey,
"It'll soon be better", you used to say.

But this time there's no familiar sound,
Of your voice so sweet, that echoed around.
I suppose it's time to say goodbye,
But it's just so hard, I refuse to try.

I have memories - unlike no other,
To me you were like a second mother.

The sky is clearing; the sun begins to shine,
The pain is easing and all seems fine.
But suddenly it's stormy again,
The sky is black, and it begins to rain.

I feel depressed and lonely too,
My only consolation is to think of you.
A thousand memories fill my mind,
A thousand thoughts, no one will find.
It feels like life has stopped in time,
But you are gone - to the sky to shine.

And so ends this poem from deep inside,
And hoping the pain will heal in time.
I loved you then and always will,
A hole in my heart, no one can fill.

Copyright © 2004 Dawn Ami (teen)
Alphonse de Lamartine

August 16, 2004

"Life is beautiful; but you've gotta see it... you've gotta find it, otherwise it can look the other way. You've got to find the beauty in life. That's all I can tell you about what beauty is... (pauses and contemplates)... Take what you've got, because 'maybe' you only get one?! "

Keith Richards
Submitted by S Heighwaya --- Essex, United Kingdom
This was the answer that Keith Richards (the hard living Rolling Stone) once gave an interviewer, to the question "What is beautiful?" Apparently Keith and his Dad didn't always see eye to eye, but towards the end of his father's life they made their peace. When his father was dying Keith was at his bedside and, just before he died, he looked at Keith, smiled and winked then closed his eyes. Keith later said that just that little gesture was enough to tell him that everything in life and death was ok, safe. It was like his father was being let into a wonderful secret, a secret that he wanted to share.

August 16, 2004

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

Mark Twain

August 16, 2004

"God put you here to do your best, and live your best and be your best, and when he's ready he'll call you home, now what better deal could you ask for?"

Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel
Submitted by Lenny Schmidt --- Iowa

August 16, 2004

SHOULD YOU GO FIRST

Should you go first and I remain to walk the road alone,
I'll live in memories' garden, dear, with happy days we've known,
In spring, I'll watch for roses red when fades the lilac blue,
In early fall when brown leaves call,
I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain for battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way will be a hallowed spot.
I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile, though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain to finish with the scroll,
No lengthening shadows shall creep in to make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness, we've had our cup of joy,
But memory is one gift of God that death cannot destroy.

Should you go first and I remain, one thing I'd have you do,
Walk slowly down that long, long path, for soon I'll follow you.
I want to know each step you take, that I may walk the same;
For some day down that lonely road, you'll hear me call your name.

Author Unknown

August 16, 2004

"God is closest to those with broken hearts."

Jewish Saying

August 16, 2004

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

Khalil Gibran

August 16, 2004

"Don't be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts."

Hopi

 

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