It happened one stormy morning of mid-February when I preferred to just stay at home. With this kind of weather, it is usually hard for me to leave my bed, enjoying the warmth beneath the blanket. So I just stayed in my bed, staring at the window and watching for the pouring rain.
I didn't have anyone to talk to, but I couldn't help reminiscing my stormy past. So I started to write all my resentments in a form of a letter.
I am writing you because I don't have anybody to listen to me. I can't help it anymore so I decided to confront you because I thought it was the right thing for me to do, since this is all between me and you.
There are a lot of memories of you that are really worth remembering. I learned a lot from you during my happiest and saddest moments, during my richest and poorest days and my best and worst times. And I want to thank you for that.
When you were still my "present", of course I enjoyed every second, every minute, and every hour spent with you, stitching bad things and good things together, enjoying the freedom I had.
What bothers me the most nowadays is that I feel that you did not totally let go of me. It is because you still seem to be controlling parts of my being. I am still disturbed by what I had already left behind when I made the changes in my life to be a better person.
It seems that until now, you are still holding some pieces of me. It often feels like you urge me to go back to find those pieces of my history and put them together to be whole again, so I could free myself from yesterday.
I am not so happy with what is happening to me in the present. I think that you are the one causing me distress because it feels like you are pulling me backwards and keeping me from moving on.
You are not making things any easier for me. I have already suffered too much for what I have done and maybe that is now enough to pay my lot.
Don't you know that you are the main reason for my day-to-day anguish and lots of sleepless nights? Please stop haunting me... please let me go and find a better life. Please set me free....
To You, JP,
I got your letter. It's quite a surprise for me to read about your complaints and accusations against me.
Not even one of the questions should be thrown at me nor should the whole letter be addressed to me but to "You", since you hold all the answers to your queries.
Now it is my turn to say things and ask you questions that may help you clear your mind.
What you've done before were the things that made you feel like living your life to the fullest. Memories that made you seem to be happiest in those moments, whether good or evil, cannot be easily or completely forgotten because of what you want to do now.
You made me exist, didn't you?
It wasn't me who made your life miserable; it was all "you"! So why do you keep on blaming me? Don't you even dare put all the blame on me!
Now, you see, what makes you remember me the most are the worst things you have done.
Don't you feel how sad it is that you could never be proud of your past?
You're not like other people who are telling stories to their children about their history. Their stories are being proudly preached to the next generation.
You know what? I am so sorry to tell you that you haven't yet realized that you are actually blaming your own self; you haven't yet forgiven yourself for the wrong choices you've made before.
Try to forgive and forget. Forgive yourself, and you will soon be free. Learn to forget the things that you are regretful for, so to stop them from haunting you.
You chained yourself to me but you made yourself unaware that anytime you want, you could break free, because the key is right there in your hands.
You must be very grateful that because you have me, you learned from your mistakes. You realized that the things you once thought to be good or right were never right, so you became aware of not doing those things again.
And the most important of all, you have changed into a better you. How I wish that when you are already in your future, you will not have the same regrets about what you have done today like what you did yesterday.
So please, make the best out of your life in the present!
Once with you, "Past"
I was suddenly awakened by a knock on the door. It was my flat mate calling me for lunch.
When I opened my eyes, I felt the warmth of the rays of the sun striking directly on my face. I realized that what had just transpired was only a dream.
Then I got up and went by the window. I looked around and noticed the very bright surroundings. The storm had already stopped...
The present is the most influential part of a lifetime because what we do in the present, determines what we will be leaving behind as part of our past and could also predict what kind of future we will have.
Many people may not believe it, but it is never untrue. The present is the most important part of life.
So be wise and good. We must remember that we can never go back in time and will never know if we will still be here tomorrow.
Today, we ought to be more careful with our decisions and actions. The moment we make a forward step, the last footprint left behind us is already a part of our past. A single step plays a vital role in the quality of things we are making these days.
One of the many secrets to be happy is to love and accept, with all our hearts, the kind of life we have at the moment.
Remember, acceptance breaks the spell of regrets. The best thing for us to do now is to make our present the way we will never regret when it becomes part of our past.
Our life today is made up of what we have learned yesterday. So we must learn better today and live a better life tomorrow!!!
Copyright © 2009 James Patrick Cabacungan
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Read additional offerings from James:
God's Love For Me
For My Mom