I was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2002 and wrote a series of poems to reflect my feeling at the time.
The Fear of the 'C' Word
by Dave Wilton
In everyone's life there's a word that you hear,
it's the one you respect but you never quite fear.
It's one of those things that someone else gets,
it'll never happen to me so there's no need to fret.
And then comes the day when the Doc sits you down,
"It's like this", he says, not quite hissing his frown.
"That lump that you brought me", he starts with head bowed,
"it's more than we thought", he says not too loud.
You accept that you've got it, now what do you do?
Do you sit back and wait 'til it consumes you?
You decide that the thing is to fight back like hell,
take the bull by the horns and make yourself well.
The testicle's gone - the cancer removed.
You wait on results, has it spread round or moved?
The guys in the lab, the blood tests, the scan.
These will decide if you survive as a man.
But the point of it all is that no matter what,
you should never give in and should fight for your lot.
Life's too short, too special, to let go too soon.
I'm reminded as I sit and I stare at the moon.
A Stomach Full Of Knots
by Dave Wilton
When sleeping in impossible,
and you don't know what to do.
Your best friend is the TV screen,
alone, confused, just you.
The channels change relentlessly,
and nothing seems quite right.
Can't concentrate, your mind's a blur,
you fight with all your might.
The household sleeps above your head,
frustration's setting in.
The sounds of soft snores drifting down,
you feel you just can't win.
So Christie's is just hours away,
your Chemo's due to start.
The knots and cramps you feel inside,
you're scared with all your heart.
You know deep down that you'll get well,
your strong and you will fight.
But every time sleep overcomes,
you jerk awake with fright.
The unknown factor is the thing
you just can't overcome.
Your head is spinning like a top,
at times you feel so glum.
But you are strong and you'll get through
even though it will be tough.
With friends and family all around,
they just can't do enough.
It's All In A Smile
by Dave Wilton
When you think of the things that can happen in life.
The worries, the trouble, the stress and the strife.
One thing is forgotten, and can change things around.
That thing is a smile and can be found in abound.
The Christie Hospital in Manchester, the first thing you see,
is a smile on a face, to a stranger, to me.
And it's not a rare thing because wherever you go,
There's always a smile, a warm face and a glow.
The staff are fantastic, give a feeling of calm,
you truly believe you'll come to no harm.
And just how do they do it? With composure and guile,
as they go through their day with their eminent smile.
But one thing inspires, the patients, each one.
Despite the state of their health, not one will be done
out of the smile that spreads 'cross their faces,
a mixture of all types of gender and races.
As I look around, take encouragement and strength.
I'll fit into this group, no matter what length.
To come out of this a much stronger being.
I plan to smile more each day, now I've learned it's true meaning,
Copyright © 2002 David Wilton
I'm probably healthier now than I ever have been (touch wood), but the one thing this experience has taught me is to live each day to the full, which as life dictates is often easier said than done, but getting there.
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