March 1, 2000
"Dear God, I don't know what to do today?"
--- Written by Andrea R., Age 15 --- Illinois
"My child, he responded, I will help you along your way."
"But Lord, how could you possibly understand!"
"My child I have made you, just trust that I can."
"Yes, I know that Lord. It's just that I've been going through some hard times and my problems won't go away, and they have been going on for a long time now. But through all my hard times, I feel as though you aren't helping me at all! You say you'll help me but nothing is showing for it."
"So what are you trying to say?"
"I'm not saying that your not here or there or whatever, I'm saying that I feel like you're not... never mind."
"No, you're saying that you feel as though I'm contradicting myself by saying that I'd help you, but that I'm really not?"
"Yes! That's it. How did you ... Oh yeah, I forgot, your God. Sorry."
"I love an honest heart. But, look back at yourself. These trials and tribulations have been pushing you away from me. You want help, but think, have you really asked? Your heart has been far from me, and the things you've done weren't perfect. But, now that you have asked me to help you, I will. I promise."
"But it's so hard, to go to school and face my old friends, yet live a life the way you would prefer me to live."
"Well if you want my help, then I suggest you tell me about your problems."
"Okay, Okay where do I start? Let's see here... But why Lord? I see no reason to tell you my problems when you already know!"
"Because I want to hear it from you!"
"Okay here it goes. See you know my dad and the way he is and everything that has happened. See I feel like he's never been a father to me, and he hasn't. When I was growing up he's been away from me. He lives in Texas and he's lived there since I was a little girl. Instead of calling or continuing to be apart of my life, he chose drugs, alcohol, and other things. And, half of my life he's been in jail. How can you expect me to have a relationship with him if I don't even see let alone know him? He says he's changed and
that he's better, but when me and my sister visited him over the summer, there was nothing different about him. He hurt me so much because he lied to me, and I held that against him for a long time. I don't want to trust him because I'm afraid he'll hurt me again. Do you Understand?"
"Yes, I understand. But you have to understand that the choices your father made caused him to lose everything that he had. He now lives a life of regret. He loves you and your sister very much and you know that deep inside your heart. He loves you the best way that he knows how, and he'd give you the world if he could. He never knew real love and his mother and father were never there for him, therefore he doesn't know how to love you other than the way that he was loved. But, now he realizes that he can never get back the time that he missed and he deeply regrets it. He also realizes that he could never make up for the time missed, but he knows that he has the future to try and compensate."
"Wow, I never thought about it like that. I mean, my sister and I always had my mother. She taught us everything we needed to know and loved us unconditionally. My dad was never that lucky. Before I thought that I was so deprived by not having a father figure in my life, but, now I understand that I have more than him. I have you. I never felt as though you were my father. I just thought you were God. My mom told me that she often wondered why we weren't such bad girls when she was a single mother and both our step-dad and dad left us. But then she said that you told her, that when they walked out, you stepped in. You told her that you would be our father and you would be her husband until she found the right person. I never really understood that whole concept, but now I understand."
"So what are you going to do about your situation?"
"I think I'm going to forgive him..."
"Well yeah, I mean he's hurt me a lot. It's not going to be easy to forgive him. I'm not even sure I can."
"Did I say to you I am sorry, I can't forgive you every time you sinned against me and wasted every treasure I had for you? I never said, it's too late, you hurt me so much. No, I forgave you and was rejoiced that you
finally came home. That's what you should do."
"You're right. I've been trying to fight this on my own and I can't, not without you. But, I guess I'll give it a try with you along my side. We'll see what happens."
"There you go!"