At one point in everyone's life, we experience trials and tribulations that are so horrible, sometimes we consider putting an end to all the pain one way or another. When I was down, I considered putting an end to my pain. I desperately prayed for an answer, and in more ways than one, I received all the answers I could handle. I believe the Lord spoke to me through a dream. This poem is the dream that opened my eyes. Thank you, Lord.
June 3, 2002
Where am I now?
--- Copyright © 2001 Dustan Bean
What have I done?
All I see is nothingness.
I must have dropped the gun.
I feel no pain, but no light of day,
Total darkness, complete disarray.
My heart feels cold, in this black lonely tomb,
Where I'll fall forever be my eternal soul wound.
Terror inside, is worse than the pain,
He speaks the words of evil, tearing deeply at my brain.
Oh God Help me, I'm sorry for this sin,
Just give me one more chance, My Lord, Satan will not win.
No answer came back,
It was indeed too late
Below my falling body
I could see a fiery lake.
Scream with no voice, sight without eyes,
Plunging toward the flames below, I hear their screams and cries.
Echoes laughter below, as I submerge in molten rock.
I can't describe the pain I felt, as my flesh began to rot.
Nothing I can do but scream and cry inside,
Torn and burned beyond description, entrails thrown aside.
When you burn in hell, you will never ever die,
Continue to feel the flame forever, and witness your flesh fry!
I scream and cry out as I sit up drenched in tears,
Ringing wet with sweat, carrying a brand-new set of fears.
That moment I said a prayer, and I never will forget
I will never get that bad, Lord. Won't do anything I'll regret.
Life's not yours to take, so if you do you will die,
Not just in body, but your soul will never fly.
Life is a gift from God.
What you do with it is your gift to Him.