Becoming A Mom

As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mother. So when I became pregnant, after 7 years of trying, my husband and I were so happy. I had a funny feeling like something was wrong. My mom took me to the doctor for an ultrasound. The Doctor took forever it seemed but then he told me that the baby was dead.

I didn't get what he was saying because I saw it on the monitor and it was perfect but never the less it had no heartbeat and mine was racing. I felt as though my world was falling apart. I felt so alone and didn't want to be around anyone.

I went to the hospital to have the baby taken. My sugar was really high from the stress. You see I had been a diabetic since I was 3 so I blamed God and sort of withdrew from day to day life.

In 1996, the diabetes caused me to go blind twice so I had to quit my job and lost all of my independence. I became a nasty person whom I didn't even like. Later that year, my eyes stabilized and I realized that I needed God in my life and asked him to forgive me and to come into my heart and he did. He was forgiving of me turning on him - what a gift, the gift of forgiveness.

Soon I was much happier but in 1997 a drunk driver killed my sister-in-law and our family again had to grieve. I became pregnant again in October and I felt great and knew this baby was going to make it.

I had a good pregnancy but at 33 weeks they realized I had pre-eclampsia and needed to induce labor. Needless to say my little one was strong-willed and didn't want to come out so I had a c-section. Even at 33 weeks, she was beautiful, healthy, weighed 5lb. 14 oz., and didn't need any help to breathe.

The Lord had been with me through it all and I owe my life to him. He gives me strength and courage to live everyday. I sometimes wonder how I could ever blamed him when he knows what we need and when.

Copyright 2006 Marvetta Neal