I didn't get what he was saying because I saw it on the monitor and it was perfect but never the less it had no heartbeat and mine was racing. I felt as though my world was falling apart. I felt so alone and didn't want to be around anyone.
I went to the hospital to have the baby taken. My sugar was really high from the stress. You see I had been a diabetic since I was 3 so I blamed God and sort of withdrew from day to day life.
In 1996, the diabetes caused me to go blind twice so I had to quit my job and lost all of my independence. I became a nasty person whom I didn't even like. Later that year, my eyes stabilized and I realized that I needed God in my life and asked him to forgive me and to come into my heart and he did. He was forgiving of me turning on him - what a gift, the gift of forgiveness.
Soon I was much happier but in 1997 a drunk driver killed my sister-in-law and our family again had to grieve. I became pregnant again in October and I felt great and knew this baby was going to make it.
I had a good pregnancy but at 33 weeks they realized I had pre-eclampsia and needed to induce labor. Needless to say my little one was strong-willed and didn't want to come out so I had a c-section. Even at 33 weeks, she was beautiful, healthy, weighed 5lb. 14 oz., and didn't need any help to breathe.
The Lord had been with me through it all and I owe my life to him. He gives me strength and courage to live everyday. I sometimes wonder how I could ever blamed him when he knows what we need and when.
Copyright © 2006 Marvetta Neal