Letter 16 From HiZen - An accountant, his daughter, needs advice from her father about her career and marriage.

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Letters from HiZen
Letter Sixteen

(This is the sixteenth letter in the series)
November 18, 2011

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Hello Friend,

This is Joan., You can say the next couple of months were really terrible for me. I was at the point of reaching a high level in my career; the head accountant of a Mortgage Bank I worked for, the first woman in history to reach that high in the organization. It was going to happen in 9 months.

Only to be shocked by the doctor with news of an unwanted pregnancy. I wasn't ready for a baby, not now, not anytime soon.

Lessons to live by

I gathered the courage to tell my husband what had happened. You can imagine the look of his face. He knew we were both ambitious people. We didn't want to have any children now. However, circumstances proved otherwise. I was pregnant and we had to deal with it.

It's amazing to think we both exchanged vows in church that we were going to handle issues together, for better and for worse.

Once I told my husband what had happened, he just stopped talking to me and hardly came home from work every night. When he did come home, he would go to the bedroom, get some clothes and head back to where he was coming from. There came a time when I was able to confront him at the door, when he came home to get some more clothes.

"Why are you doing this to me Bill? We promised we would be together and solve whatever comes our way." I said in a sorrowful tone.

"This is different," he replied. "You broke your promise. We agreed we weren't going to have kids until we were ready. I am not ready to have kids."

This was a really lonely period for me. I would come to an empty home, all weary and moody, with no one to talk to. Furthermore, I was told by my friends that they often saw Bill at a bar, hanging out with friends who came with girls.

Here I was, a pregnant wife, trying to hold on to my job and my husband was hanging out with friends accompanied by girls.

I never thought he could be so terrible.

I decided the best solution was to leave him and let him be. If he couldn't handle this with me, then it's best I handle it alone.

I was going to file for a divorce.

The next two weeks were even worse; Bill didn't come home at all. By this time, I didn't care. He had made his bed and now he was going to have to lie on it, when he decided to come home.

As nature would have it, I was at home and crying in my bed on a weekend, when I heard someone knocking at the door. I first thought it was Bill, so I decided not to come downstairs to open the door. But the person continued to knock. I gathered up the strength and went downstairs to see who it was.

It was my sister, Matilda.

Once I saw her, I gave her a deep hug and began to cry and cry. She told me that mum and dad have been trying to call me, but my phone was disconnected. They asked Matilda to come over from work to check on me. I told her everything that had happened and how Bill was treating me.

"There is a family dinner, everyone was asked to come; Kwame, Chuk, you and me. You need to come and tell mum and dad everything." She said.

I was really embarrassed, but the idea of having family around me during this awful time sounded good. Later that evening, Matilda and I headed to our family house together.

THAT DINNER WAS GOING TO BE A WONDERFUL TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE AS A SPOUSE AND PARENT.

I'll continue the rest of the story a bit later...

Your Friend,
Joan ( The Spouse and Parent )

--- Copyright © 2011 HiZen-3 Ltd
This story is a series of letters written by Segun Cadmus, Manager, HiZen-3 Ltd, a company created to be the Ultimate guide in Culture Management at work and life. Please visit us at: http://www.hizenworld.com for more information about what we do.